Tue, 22 May 2007 21:00:00
American Idol - The Top 2 perform
What’s the point here? It’s Jordin, people. It’s all been arranged. :) Of course, since Paula broke her nose earlier this week, the point might be to watch her totally whacked out of her skull on God knows what combination of painkillers and booze. That could be fun.
- What in the blue fuck is Randy wearing? Paula’s extensions look pretty crappy, and she’s high as hell.
- Oh BLAKE! Never sing first if you have a choice.
- Three songs each. One favorite, one new song they’ve never sung before and they both have to sing the winning song from the songwriting competition called This is My Now. I’m willing to bet $12,000 that This is My Now sucks more than Paris Hilton on that jail clit. Oh please, you know some big bull dyke is totally going to make Paris eat a fish taco. Don’t be all shocked. ;)
- Blake Lewis - You Give Love A Bad Name. Obviously he picked this as his favorite...and we know it will be pretty cool (except for the miming of the record part) unless he blows it.
Yeah I still don’t like that lengthy miming intro. Sorry. The rest of it is pretty damn good though. :) The ladies love that kid. Listen to that screaming. Dizzamn, yo. They literally will. not. stop.
Randy: “beatboxing was hot...singing was just a’ight.”
Paula: She rambled. At least she has an excuse for being that shit-faced.
Simon: He basically said that while the performance was tops, the singing was a bit flat in the middle. Sure...true enough, but Blake is about the whole show. Simon said Blake wasn’t the best singer, but he was the best performer.
- Jordin Sparks - Fighter from Xtina. This is her “I haven’t performed this on Idol before” song. Good luck with that...Singing Christina Aguilera is hard, dawg.
Hmm. All this is doing is highlighting that Jordin is talented, but she isn’t in Christina’s league. At all. And she’s dead on that stage, just standing at the mic stand again. Now she’s shouting at me off key. Fifty bucks says the judges don’t tell the truth.
Randy: “You voice, I mean you were stellar.” Either he’s a lying fuck or they can’t hear the actual performance.
Paula: “You were stellar.” Whatever she hears first
Simon: “Vocals were a bit shrieky in the middle.” Yes they were. “I’m gonna call round one to Blake.” Again, I agree. Guess I lost my $50…
- Blake Lewis - She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. Seriously, with the shitty pop already. I can’t stand this group. Anyway.
Well, I hate the song, and that guitar melody is lifted from something I can’t put my finger on, but Blake sounds really good. WAIT! It’s lifted from Spooky as done in ‘79 by the Atlanta Rhythm Section. Sometimes it’s annoying that I can’t hear music without hearing who they ripped off.
ANYWAY...Blake is doing this quite well, and deserves to win this based on these two performances. Well done.
Randy: “Great song, very nice vocal.”
Paula: “sounded great, relaxed.... then Simon started pestering her again”
Simon: “Good, safe, wasn’t as good as the first, doesn’t make as much of an impact.” Well. As Donna said to the TV, it shows off his clarity and precision. I disagree with Simon on this one.
- Jordin Sparks - her favorite is next...Martina McBride’s A Broken Wing. She did well with this, so it should be a nice vocal. She’ll stand there and wail again.
Hey, her mom is chunky but milfy. :)And they used that Coca-Cola singing competition footage. Interesting that they don’t bring up that she met Randy and Simon during that time…
On to the singing - Oh, hey, sitting. That’s different. Maybe I’m just being...I dunno...harsh? But I’m ridiculously bored. Oh hey, here’s the mic stand again. And the shrieky yelling. She holds that last note right though.
Randy: “Most talented 17 year old singer I have ever seen...flawless...better than the original.” Bull. Shit.
Paula: “you are in great, great vocal voice tonight.”
Simon: “Now that...was good.” Oh well. Guess I’m in a minority.
- Blake Lewis - his turn at This is My Now. He never should have let Jordin close the show. Unless he didn’t let her and that decision was pre-determined…
We meet the schlubs that wrote the song. Wow. That was fun. Now here’s Blake. And WHAT. A. SURPRISE! It’s a cheestastic crapfuck ballad. Woah...when he sings the line “this is my now” I swear it;s the same melody line from that shitfuck Taylor Hicks single ‘Do I make you proud.
Holy pissbuckets of fucksauce this is one of the worst songs ever written. This is cumfelchingly fucking horrible. Plus he didn’t sing it all that well because it’s like, custom written for Jordin’s style. Like Blake Lewis would ever sing a song like that unless they forced him to do it? THAT. SUCKED. Maybe he was right to go first...they’ve set it up so he can’t win anyway.
I would rather eat rusty nails from the oozing anus of a bloated elephant carcass than ever hear that song in my earholes ever again. Unfortunately I don’t have a choice.
Randy: “It was a’ight.”
Paula: “I think you were in great voice.”
Simon: “I thought it was all a little odd...How did you feel? You looked a bit frustrated.” Yeah. You think? “We have to judge you tonight primarily on your first two performances.”
- Jordin Sparks - her take on This is My Now. Holy fuck I don’t believe it. She’s standing in the middle of the stage, but there’s no mic stand! Risky. Really risky.
Hey, what a shock, this saccharine Disney-fied ballad fits perfectly with her style. Color me completely un-fucking-surprised. Aww. She “cried” a little at the end! No one ever does that! How spontaneous!
HEY GOD. WHY HAS THOU CURSED ME WITH THIS SONG IN MY HOME? What, you ran out of locusts or something? If you’re pissed at me, you could at least have told me. You didn’t have to do this.
Randy: “You deserve it all baby.”
Paula: Babbled about being frickin proud and Jordin’s parents and that she was an angel
Simon: “Last week, I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t think you were good enough to make the finals, and I want to say to you publicly now, I was wrong...you just wiped the floor with Blake on that song.”
Thank fuck it’s almost over. Tomorrow night a two hour finale that will take us maybe 20 minutes and then NEVER, EVER AGAIN. Hey, TiVo, you’re awesome! Whoever the special guest singer to close the show was, Tivo just cut it off before they were even named. Spectacular! TiVo saves me again.
Obviously, we predict Jordin for the win. :)
Posted by JimK at 09:00 PM on May 22, 2007
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Categories: Television, American Idol
Technorati: TV Music American Idol Paula Abdul Randy Jackson Simon Cowell Blake Lewis Jordin Sparks