Tue, 19 Sep 2006 00:35:00
Secret CIA interrogation techniques revealed!
Those evil military bastards. We all know what the CIA wants to use as legitimate interrogation technique: stress positions, temperature manipulation, the belly slap, the attention slap and roughly grabbing prisoners by the shirt, shirt-grabbing? This is a fucking torture technique for which we need approval? Really? Because if so, I see people tortured on Law & Order SVU like, every day. That show should really be on HBO if they’re going to show that much raw, unmitigated torture.
Anyway, Jim Treacher reveals more secret Gitmo torture techniques that BusHitler doesn’t want you to know about.
The Faux Shirt Stain: Interrogator points at suspect’s chest: “Look, you’ve got something on your shirt.” When suspect looks down, interrogator brings up index finger, tweaking suspect’s nose. Interrogator laughs. This grievous affront, a loss of honor in the eyes of Allah, administers massive psychic trauma to suspect. Repeat as needed.
I would say anything - anything - to avoid that accusing accursed infidel finger touching the nose with which Allah has blessed me. Andrew Sullivan must be absolutely gobsmacked at The Echo. Any “real” conservative would be.
My contribution is the secret technique I discovered - The Ink. A cartoonist comes in and draws funny pictures of Mohammed in front of a restrained prisoner. Oh, the humanity!
Bluto over at the Jawa Report says that the CIA has been recruiting fraternity rush chairmen. Critics of the administration have derided people who categorize these techniques as juvenile frat hazing. Most of the time, they never actually tell you what specifically the CIA is asking for as exceptions.
The simple fact is, when you look at what they are really asking for, it is little more than frat hazing. Pink bellies? Grabbing the shirt collars roughly? Stress positions? Open hand slaps? That’s hazing. I’ve done worse to people I like.
Posted by JimK at 12:35 AM on September 19, 2006
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Categories: Humor, News, Politics, The Middle East, War, U.S. Military
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