Wed, 25 Apr 2007 22:09:00
American Idol - Idol Gives To It’s Own Pockets - plus Top 6 eliminations
OK, we’re again going to try to skip as much of this two-hour self-congratulatory celebrefest as possible. I will say this much though: I have to stop to see how bad this is:
And before one of the Idol finalists gets booted, the kids will perform a special anthem—“American Prayer”—written by Bono and Dave Stewart about the AIDS emergency in Africa.
Oh this is gonna suck so much.
- Oh my ever-loving Lord and Savior. They’re dressed all in angelic white. And Seacrest just did a re-take on live TV. Smooth.
- Seacrest says it’s the most shocking result in history. Also, they got 70 million votes, so it looks like Rupert Murdoch is out a cool five mil in cash...like he’d notice. Also, it’s a telethon, there’s a special number you can call to donate. OR...you could just donate directly to the charity of your choice.
- Ellen? Watch us FFWD. Earth Wind & Fire...FFWD. Katrina guilt trip...gee, whattya think we did. Quincy Jones segment...bet you can tell what I did. BUT...
- I do believe this is a group atrocity. Ahh yes. Simon’s Angels are singing. Has any of these “charity” songs 1. every actually helped, and 2. ever been any good after “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Good GOD this song is awful. Thanks, Q. Really appreciate the cliched African drums and the terrible lyrics.
- Yeah...I really believe that the Ben Stiller segment is a satellite feed. Can’t you just say it’s a pre-tape? Also, Ben needs to call Ricky Gervais and thank him, because that segment was EXACTLY his character from the first season of Extras. In fact he may owe Gervais, BBC and HBO some royalties.
- Melinda Doolittle is asked to stand - She’s safe. Then Paula Abdul visits the Boys & Girls Club and that FFWD button hit. HOLY CHRIST Il Divo. Wow, that’s so utterly horrible. FFWD.
- Wow, Hugh Laurie looks awfully skinny there, doesn’t he? And yes, Seacrest, Hugh Laurie has an accent. He’s British and has had a long and brilliant career.
- Seacrest then says that anyone can get on stage and “do something” if they donate, and the camera pans past KG and JB...THE D IS IN THE HOUSE. Now that I will watch. You must respect the D.
Jack comes up alone and riffs a little. He’s starts singing Seal’s “Kiss From A Rose.” Bitches you better bring KG up on that stages motherfuckers. Awww...they’re gonna waste KG on this stupid camera cutaway stuff. No actual Tenacious D playing! I suppose the awesome power of The D would have made everyone else embaraased to go on. You can’t follow Tenacious D. It’d be like trying to follow Pink Floyd at Earl’s Court in 1980.
Simon critiques Jack and drops the “You were better than Sanjaya” line which is good for a laugh. And of course Seal is here to tell JB it was the best rendition ever. I was a little disappointed that they didn’t just have The D play the song and then do the same bit after. Still, at least it was a little funny.
- Blake Lewis asked to stand - safe.
- Wow, listening to Ellen prattle on is like watching paint dry. She introduces Rascall Flatts, and lo and behold, Chris Richardson was 100% right - nasally is a form of singing. Simon Cowell was flat-out wrong when he tried to beat up on Chris for his performance of Rascall Flatts’ Mayberry.
- Oh look it’s Tom from Myspace! That guy is my Myspace friend! ;) Then there’s some bullshit and Paula is standing on the stage or something. I don’t really know what happened because WE WEE FAST FORWARDING!
- Hour two...not bad, we managed to do the first hour in about 15 minutes. FORD COMMERCIAL. FUCK I fucking hate these fucking fucks.
- And now it’s some weird celebrity “comedy” lip synch to Stayin Alive. Umm...I guess this is American Idol’s idea of being relevant since this kind of video is about 63% of all Youtube material? Youtube is 63% allegedly-funny lip synch videos, 18% Japanese gameshow/fetish videos, 4% political commentary and 10% tits and ass, just in case you were wondering. Oh, and the video wasn’t funny. At all. Neither are 63% of all Youtube videos.
- Phil Stacey - safe? Uh oh. Jordin is in the bottom three? What the fucking fuck?
- Guilt trip - FFWD. Ellen - FFWD. I did catch she’s personally donating $100,000. That’s not a hell of a lot for her. She intros Josh Groban. Hey, Josh, why would you try this over-used cliche to get on Idol? You’re not as good as the original///oh wait.
Doh.
You know what’s actually funny about that joke? He’s not. He’s not as good live as his album voice is. Do I smell a Pro Tools singer here? I swear to GOD he’s off key! Dude, that wasn’t my favorite performance by you. It was just a’ight for me dog, just keepin’ it real.
- FFWD something about Exxon. Slip past Ellen to find that Jeff Beck is backing Kelly Clarkson. That seems like one of the seven seals to me.
- More crap to FFWD - Hey, was that The Simpsons? Wow. Simon actually sang. You know what? The bit was kind of amusing. It was the portrayal of the judges...Marge doing Randy and Lisa as a totally vapid airhead in the middle. Not bad.
- LaKisha Jones asked to stand. She’s fucking safe? Are they sending Jordin home? That would be a shock, maybe not the biggest shock of all time. That would be Clay Aiken losing to Reuben Stoddard.
- Oh GOD...here’s the digital mash-up between Elvis and Celine Dion. She’s gonna sing over Elvis’ performance...it’s my opinion that the only singer in the world that can do this sort of thing right - meaning the only singer with the sense to be SMALL when needed - is David Bowie. Best Dueter (that ain’t a word) in the known world.
- Some technical problem comes up, and they throw it to Ellen. She looks amusing at triple speed. Now here’s the only person i wanted to see: Annie Lennox.
She’s doing Bridge Over Troubled Waters. Somehow I didn’t know she could play piano… OOOOhhhh...uhh, stage guy, can you fix her mix? I don’t think she can hear that her upper register is off key. I know for a frigging FACT Annie can sing...I can’t imagine why this is so...not good.
I’m sticking to my theory - she can’t hear that she’s off key. Crap...now she’s just shouting. I blame the stage crew.
- Seacrest tells Chris Richardson and Jordin Sparks to stand. Chris is safe. Jordin is gone? No...no, she’s safe too. OK. It’s charity night so everyone can stay. Next week, all the votes will be added to next week’s votes and the bottom two will be eliminated.
- Oh here it comes. Bono’s shit-tastic charity song. We get some patented Bono preaching. If we all hold hands and sing we can end war! Also, you can save the earth by using only one square of toilet paper per “event,” right?
Simon’s Angels start off American Prayer. I hear Jordin say “This is my American Prayer” like 4 times, and the TiVo wisely bonged them out of existence. You know what?
I think my Tivo is possessed by the spirit of Chuck Barris. Look him up on Wikipedia if you don’t know.
Fucking Idol. Seacrest Out, bitches.
Posted by JimK at 10:09 PM on April 25, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend |
Categories: Television, American Idol
Tags:
Technorati: TV Music American Idol Paula Abdul Randy Jackson Simon Cowell Blake Lewis Jordin Sparks Lakisha Jones Chris Richardson Melinda Doolittle Phil Stacey
Comments:
#2 Posted by jo-jo 
on 04/26 at 11:25 AM -
i loved the simpsons thing… ESPECIALLY the lisa/paula part ;)
il divo was totally wtf.
i thought groban sounded fine… for the 2 seconds we listened ;) there was a whole lotta ff goin’ on in the cross household
i’m annoyed about how they portrayed this whole thing with all these celeb guest appearances, until you realize it’s mostly in the stayin’ alive stupidity. they also claimed harry potter was going to be on (john wanted to know if he was going to be showing off his wand a la equus), but he was a no show. potter fans cry! :(
#3 Posted by up4debate 
on 04/26 at 03:57 PM -
I was going to watch for my friend Tom too! He sent me a message saying he was going to be on there..... :/
Ill be your myspace friend Jim, all you had to do was ask buddy.
RSS (Subscribe)
Tip jars (Donate today!)
#1 Posted by working_man
on 04/26 at 10:26 AM -
I actually watched the whole show and enjoyed it. Some things don’t always require cynicism and you never know when you might miss a good laugh. The one douche bag in Il Divo (second from the left) was oozing so much cheese that the wife and I were in pain from laughing so hard.