It’s the final (sad, pathetic) countdown

Oh Em Gee.  I mean, really?  Joey Tempest is using Craig’s List to try to bag a model?

I am a tall, slender, cool, fun, sexy, handsome Singer/Songwriter, Music Exec. with long hair. Very successful, well to do $$$ (Rock Star looks)seeking a TALL, sexy, BUSTY, stunning gorgeous SWF, Actress, Model, Playmate with blue or green eyes, great legs and a fantastic figure who wants to be my Princess get loved, pampered, and spoiled and taken care of. A lady who dresses really sexy, with stillettos and lingerie. We will enjoy the finer things in life, fine dining, travel, fashion, dressing up, going out, limos, clubs, concerts, music, nice cars, celebrity parties, awards etc. I seek true love, romance, marriage, and ultimate happiness for a lifetime together. Must be loyal, devoted, romantic (love to kiss, hold hands, cuddle, make love twice daily, even six years from now). This is for the woman that wants it all. A great life with a very talented and amazing man. SWF Only, 19-39, MUST SEND PICTURE. Be ready to meet.

It is taking all of my self-control to not type “ha-ha” like, six hundred times.  I guess being a middle-aged rocker with one and a half hits don’t pull the honeys like it used to.

Damn.  I screenshotted this just in case he somehow realizes how pathetic it is and pulls it.  And yes, I know that screenshotted is not a word.  I’m in too much pain (from trying not to laugh) to care.

*UPDATE*

Comments say it may be a gag, as Tempest lives in London, not the Hollywood hills.  Damn Craigslist pranksters!  Still hilarious though.  :)

Posted by JimK at 11:48 PM on July 05, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots,  Music
Tags: Europe Joey Tempest 80s

Bret Michaels is bald, and in a reality show

OK, this is too much.  I have to watch this.  Bret Michaels will be doing a “Flavor of Love” style reality show for VH1 called ‘Rock of Love.” I am so watching and blogging that spectacle.

Bret Michaels.  Wearing the hat and/or bandanna every waking moment of the day to hide his bald-ass head.  Will be “allowing” whores to compete to fuck him.

Oh my.  This has train wreck written all over it.  Speaking of whores, one of the “contestants” is a porn star.  Fleshbot has some links to her work (link is Not Safe For Work).  Can you say white trash?  I knew you could.  Not a real stunner, this one.  Then again, Brett ain’t what he used to be either.  :)

The lesson here is save your money, young rockers.  Save it wisely so that when you get old, you can just fade away and relax.  You can stay out of the public eye so as not to destroy whatever iconic status you once had.  You can remain a God in the eyes of your fans, instead of a pathetic old dude trying to cash in on 80s nostalgia.

*UPDATE*

I’m reviewing each week’s episodes here.  Come join the fun.  ;)

*UPDATE*

I’m doing season 2 as well...come on in.  The douche, it flows like a river.

Posted by JimK at 05:16 PM on July 03, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music,  Television,  Rock Of Love
Tags: VH1 Rock of Love Brett Michaels Poison Pamela

Storm Large’s new album Side One

Get it here!  If you followed my prattlings about Rock Star: Supernova, you’ll remember that I’m a big fan.  Not only is she a knockout and a badass, but she writes and sings with amazing passion.

The cd is called “Side One,” and is the first of a planned two.  It was recorded with the House band from RS:S, who I also thought were great.

I ordered mine.  You should too.

Posted by JimK at 02:32 AM on June 21, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music,  Television,  Rock_Star_Supernova
Tags: Storm Large

Manson makes it up

First of all, this is a stylized re-enactment of when Dita caught them in bed together, and it;s about as low a blow as I have ever seen him deliver.

Forget that the video makes no sense at all, and that what little does make sense is totally ripped off from Natural Born Killers and - of all things - Thelma and Louise.  Forget that thematically, he was actually trying to rip off Lolita.  Forget that he’s an old man acting like this 19 year old is even in the same league as Dita, that he’s not having a mid-life crisis and that he’s not a bastard at heart who has done the same thing to every woman he’s ever “loved.” Hell, he’s done the same thing to his friends too.

That bed.  That was just mean.  It’s a replica of the bed in Manson & Dita’s old bedroom.

Then the prick has the nerve to pretend he’s the victim:

I was completely destroyed. I had no soul left,” the 38-year-old glitzy goth rocker says in Spin magazine’s June issue, on newsstands May 29. “I define myself as a person, a human, an artist, as someone who makes things — writing, painting, music — and I couldn’t do anything.”

BULLSHIT.  He did all that and more.  He had people around all hours of the day and night.  He painted hundreds and hundreds - I would guess around 300 or more - paintings that *I* knew of five years ago!  He had a full, commercial-quality studio in the pool house.  I call bullshit on this.  Dita was always very, very supportive of everything he did.

“She said she had tolerated the lifestyle because she hoped I would change and threatened to leave if I didn’t,” Manson says.

What a crock.  She loved him because of who he was.  She didn’t tolerate the lifestyle, she embraced and supported it.

Manson left Dita because some 19 year old piece of ass said she’d die for him.  She was willing to allow him to feed off her youth and play servant to his whims and his ego.  Dita was her own woman, and he can’t stand independent thought for very long.  Not to mention - and this is obvious to everyone - MID.  LIFE.  CRISIS.

But forget all that.  Jesus Horatio Christmas dry-humping a cross, that song is bloody awful!  The video does nothing to help.  It’s artistically and emotionally empty of anything.  It looks like a weird Gothic R. Kelley video or something.  It’s full of sound and fury signifying nothing except the fact that Manson’s getting old and decided he could grab a younger woman.  As an artist, he should be ashamed of how hollow and empty it is.

Posted by JimK at 05:48 PM on May 19, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots,  Music
Tags: Marilyn Manson Dita+von+Teese Evan Rachel Wood

Randy Rhoads, a quarter of a century gone

He’s been dead 25 years as of today, and he’s still one of the greatest guitar players of all time.  Music would be greatly changed if Randy hadn’t died in that plane crash.  He was always learning and innovating.

Also...damn.  25 years?  I remember it so clearly.  That was the year I started wearing out copies of “Blizzard of Ozz.”

Posted by JimK at 02:05 PM on March 19, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music
Tags: Randy Rhoads

Late-breaking story!

Update on Guns N’ Roses’ Chinese Democracy album:

More

Still working on it.

Less

Posted by JimK at 03:03 PM on March 14, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music,  Humor
Tags: Guns N' Roses Chinese Democracy

Brad Delp, dead

Number two...

Brad Delp, the lead singer for the band Boston, was found dead Friday in his home in southern New Hampshire. He was 55.
Article Tools

Atkinson police responded to a call for help at 1:20 p.m. and found Delp dead. Lt. William Baldwin said in a news release that there was no indication of foul play.

“There was nothing disrupted in the house. He was a fairly healthy person from what we’re able to ascertain,” Police Chief Philip Consentino told WMUR-TV.

Delp apparently was alone at the time, Baldwin said.

The cause of death remained under investigation.

Wow.  What is going on this week? Who will finish the trifecta?  It has to be an actor or musician - or maybe an author - to count.

Boston’s music has always been a guilty pleasure…

Even in a band full of mustachioed, glittering, male-porn-looking rockers, Tom Sholz manages to look and act totally dork-tacular.  That’s real talent.

Posted by JimK at 11:11 AM on March 11, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music,  News
Tags: Boston Brad Delp

Overheard while watching VH1’s “Metal mania”

We’re watching “(You Make Me) Rock Hard” by Kiss on VH1 Classics’ Metal Mania:

J: “Oh my GOD Paul Stanley is so gay in this video!  Like, actually gay gay.”
D: “Well, this was the end of the gay period, he’s not as gay as he was.
J: “Why is he swinging on a trapeze?  Is this like, him saying he swings back and forth?”

(more video)

J: “Wow, that swishing dance is really gay.  How come it didn’t look gay when David Lee Roth used to do it?”
D: “Because David Lee Roth isn’t gay and Paul Stanley is.”

Ask a stupid question....  Also it seems that your intent has a direct effect on the swish factor in your effeminate/homoerotic dance moves.  If you intend to emulate an actually gay Broadway dancer, then you are Paul Stanley.  If you intend to show the entire front row of whores that you are limber and happen to be packing a hog leg then you are David Lee Roth.  So...there you go.  You’ve learned something here tonight.  Happy Daylight Savings Time Day.

Posted by JimK at 01:35 AM on March 11, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music,  Humor
Tags: VH1 Paul Stanley Kiss David Lee Roth

American Idol stuff

Dave from Snarkbait emails me to point out the pure idiocy that DialIdol.com has Sundance as the leader. DialIdol is pretty accurate though, somewhere around 80-85% if I remember right.  They basically just guess who is going to be safe based on the busy signals they get when calling that persons number hundreds of times.  The only times they’ve been way off were cases where the rest of the world suspected the fix was in…

Anyway, I head over to VoteForTheWorst.com and whom do I see greeting me all round-faced and shiny?  Sundance Head.  They’re backing his horse for the time being, and I’m telling you that VoteForTheWorst site has a lot of pull.  Unless the producers are gaming the votes this early...plan on seeing Sundance Head next week.  DialIdol predicts Paul Kim and Nick Pedro as the bottom two.  Please, let Paul Kim get eliminated for raping Careless Whisper last night.

Speaking of...come on, this is a great song.  I still remember every note and nuance.  Also, the video clearly influenced the art direction on CSI: Miami.  ;)

Posted by JimK at 04:46 PM on February 21, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music,  Television,  American Idol
Tags: American Idol Paula Abdul Randy Jackson Simon Cowell Sundance Head Paul Kim

Saturday Share revived - Jake Shimabukuro

This one is out there.  Last night I was bopping around the Stage6 website looking for more cool violations of copyright in glorious high quality, and I ran across a hi-def file of this guy, and one of the comments said, and I quote; “That dude is amazing. At five minutes into the video you’ll completely change your opinion about the ukulele.” I thought “Oh nonsense.  It’s a ukulele, how great can it be?”

This great.  If you have the DivX web plugin installed, hit the link to the high def file.  if not, the YouTube version will have to do.

What’s amazing is watching him play the melody and the vocal melody at the same time.  On a four-string freaking ukulele.  I can’t imagine him ever breaking into the mainstream with this, and I’ll admit, I did wonder a bit why he’s wasting such amazing talent on the ukulele.  It must be driven purely by passion, because it seems to me that he could become one of the best classical guitar guitar players alive today, and probably a rock god were he so inclined.

After I downloaded and saved that hi-def DivX video, I went looking around YouTube for more Jake.  There’s a lot there.  After hearing a few more things, including this one, I just said “I gotta have this” and bought the album.  I encourage you to do the same.  You can get his latest DVD here, or buy the latest CD here.  In order to entice you to do just that, here’s a sample:

From the album Gently Weeps, this is While My Guitar Gently Weeps in MP3, alt-preset-extreme, 6.8MB.  You will never think about Tiny Tim and his retarded ukulele ever again.

Posted by JimK at 05:59 PM on February 10, 2007
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Categories: Entertainment,  Music,  SaturdayShare
Tags: Jake Shimabukuro