• The montage shows all sorts of clips of J-Lo’s videos, and not a one of them contained a vocal that wasn’t doubled, tripled or quadrupled.  She really suffers from Paula Abdul syndrome.  She seems nice though, and her advice to the group was pretty good - it’s not about hitting the high note, it;’s about making the audience feel good.

• Melinda Doolittle - Up first with Sway.  J-Lo advised Shrek to be sexy.  Heh...OK, I’ll be nice.  If she acts sexy I’ll be fair and say so, even though she fucking looks like fucking Shrek and I don’t want to fucking fuck Shrek ever.  EVER.  ;)

  She’s singing great, but she looks like she is so, so, so uncomfortable trying to be all sexy and slinky.  It’s in her voice...vocally she’s projecting slink if you close your eyes.  Unfortunately she’s scared shitless when you open them.  A very controlled, subdued delivery until that last note just to remind you she;s melinda.  Not her best performance, but another good vocal.

  Randy: “Another solid performance, I don’t know if it was your best.”
  Paula: “Very sultry, smooth, you look lovely, subtle” Yeah, not sexy but I agree with the subtle.
  Simon: “It had to happen Melinda: I didn’t like it.” :) “That song is all about personality, and you appeared much older than you are.” “Lounge, cabaret” “A bit lazy a little wooden.” Maybe in the physical performance, but not in the vocal.

  Melinda: “I’m happy, because he really wanted to say something bad, and I’m glad he got the chance!” Gold star for her reaction.

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• Lakisha Jones - Conga.  Miami fucking Sound Machine, with Estefan’s rapid-fire delivery?  With that lisp?  No.  LaKisha is, as Donna just said, signing her death warrant with this song. 

  OH MY GOD THOSE HUGE FUNBAGS ARE GONNA GET YA!  Is that how she plans to get votes?  Ouch...this is flat and dead and just weird.  It reminds me of watching one of those karaoke scenes on Ally McBeal.  Just not good enough.  The band sucked too.

  Randy: “You came out you were having a good time” That was hot.” What are you deaf?  It was dead.
  Paula: “I didn’t feel it as much as Randy did I felt it was a really safe laKisha” Wow.  Paula with the insight…
  Simon: Simon asked if LaKisha agreed with Paula and she didn’t.  Simon does.  “You were having fun, I’m not sure how the people at home were.” “It was a very safe song...” Randy interrupts and says that she was dancing and moving around, to which Simon replies “Yeah, but the dancing wasn’t very good!” No, no it wasn’t.

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• Chris Richardson - Santana’s Smooth.  J-Lo had him take it up a whole octave which puts him precisely and exactly in Timberlake’s wheelhouse.  Timberfake in the hizzle, mah nizzles!  Can I get a pound on that shit, dogs?

  Oh god...this band trying to replicate Santana’s stage vibe is like eating ice cream made of ape jism.  Not that I have ever eaten ice cream made of ape jism.  Not that you can prove, so piss off.  Speaking of pissing off, Santana is probably pissed off at Chris for butchering this song.  If he took it, dipped it in bleach, rolled it in white flour and sprayed it with white paint he could not have de-latin-ified that song any more.  I hated that.  Worst of the night so far.  Flat, sharp, out of tune, bad runs, mush-mouth...there wasn’t a single thing about that performance I liked except the fact that it eventually ended.

  Randy: “Very very cool” Feh
  Paula: “Hot hot performance”
  Simon: “Not the best vocal but I preferred it to the first two” Holy shit.  Oh well...maybe it sounds different to them in the building.

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• Haley Scarnato - Will she get her girls out again, or flash the gams? Turn The Beat Around.  Uhh...she’s young, and she’ll dress the part, but she doesn’t have enough life in her, enough joy to do this song justice.  They brought Blake in to beatbox during rehearsal so Haley could keep time.  Too funny.

  Clothes: all leg, no tee-tas.  Wait...black bra and see-through animal print with just a hint of the girls underneath.  Performance?  Well, I think I was 100% correct.  She doesn’t have the joy and REAL liveliness.  The background singers are singing with more passion.  Shaking her business is NOT fooling me...sorry.  Flat notes and terrible pacing...but the ass and titties might keep her alive again.

  Randy: “That was really karaoke for me tonight, sorry”
  Paula: “I think you had fun up there”
  Simon: “I think you have a very good tactic at the moment, Haley; wear the least amount of clothes possible” Heh...that;s her whole gimmick.  He told her she has ZERO chance to win based on her voice.  Troof.  She got smacked with the clubat once again.

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• Phil Stacey - Santana’s Maria Maria.  Prediction - it will be exactly the same as every single performance he’s ever done...start rough, bland in the middle, big bold finish that is really good but not good enough to erase the rest.

  Go Go Gollum!  Prove me wrong!  And stop wearing stupid hats!  We all know yo have a big head and jug ears!  Performance - smooth start, bland but not rough like it usually is.  Boring as hell halfway through.  I should play this back when I can’t sleep later tonight, i bet it would put me right out...and once again, at the very end he opens it up and it;s still dead until the Last.  Freaking.  Note.  It was the only soulful, emotional note in the whole performance.  Weak.  As.  Water.

  Randy: “I don’t know if it was your best performance” “it was kinda boring.”
  Paula: “Good vocal except the end” Whatever.
  Simon: “I found no originality” “lifeless” “Nothing to get positive or excited about, sorry.” Yep.

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• Jordin Sparks - She gets a question, and I was going to make a comment here but then she destroys what I was going to say by reminding us she was born in December of 1989.  OH MY GOD I AM AN OLD MAN.  Screw it, I have no god-damned blogger code of conduct or morals, so I’m gonna say it anyway...she looks like just the kind of healthy young girl who could put it on you if you get what I mean, and in most states it would be legal.

  She’s singing The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You.  Does no one realize Latin music goes beyond Gloria Estafan/Miami Sound Machine and Santana?

  OK...not a singer’s song, but she’s doing what no one else has - actually having fun and singing at the same time.  She looks like she’s actually enjoying this as opposed to acting like she is.  She’s tweaked the vocal enough that it’s hers...not bad.  A little off at the end, arrangement-wise but not bad.  Certainly puts her on the top two, maybe the top one of the night for all-around performance and vocal.

  Randy: “You got it” Yo factor on blast
  Paula: “you’re so authentic” Yeah but how did she SING?
  Simon: “Nothing stunning” “I haven’t seen a progression tonight” I kind of agree, no one has really come out and showed that they were working hard and improved, everyone just sort of threw an easy lay-up so far.  Reason?  Sanjaya Malakar and obviously fixed eliminations.  Why should they try?  We all know the end result here.  I only expect one guy to come out blazing and he’s up next.

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• Blake Lewis - I Need To Know by J-Lo’s husband Mark Anthony.  Heh.  Her advice wasn’t to try to sing it big...she said “I want to see you pick that girl up.” Good advice.

  It’s pretty solid but he keeps trailing off at the end of each line in the chorus instead of holding the note.  That’s probably nerves.  Unfortunately it stays exactly here...he didn’t in fact bring it like he usually does.  He was better than Jordin which makes him best of the night, but it was not his personal best.  Latin week doesn’t seem to agree with anyone here…

  Randy: “Hot performance I liked that”
  Paula: “Captured the essence of who you are”
  Simon: “Best choice of song of the night best performance of the night so far” I don’t disagree with any of that, I just think that he made some mistakes that he could have avoided, and it would have made his performance great on it’s own, nit just better than the other mostly-sucky performances..

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• Sanjaya Malakar - Dude, the show his hottie sister again, and some Sangina-faux-hawked jagoff wants America to know that he’s tapping that ass - he’s doing that macho dick arm around the girl posessively.  Probably has a cock like a clitoris.  Would he qualify for a post on Hot Chicks With Douchebags?  I think so

  Sangina is “singing” Bésame Mucho, an old 1940’s Spanish song.  This oughtta be good for a laugh.  J-Lo loves him.  Hey, she should feel an affinity for someone who will need a whole engineering team in order to stay on key.

  English or Spanish, the weakness in his voice cannot be hidden.  It’s so weird, he literally doesn’t have the ability to project.  I’ve never seen a person who wants to be a professional singer sing so quietly and with less energy.  He cut the hair too...maybe he’s like Sampson and now he’ll lose all his momentum.

  Or not.  Since the fix is in.  Doesn’t Nigel Lithgoe see the falling ratings?  I think that he thinks that the Sanjaya madness is good publicity, but the rating say he’s wrong.

  Randy: “You’re one of the smartest contestants I’ve ever met, That was actually really good”
  Paula: “Very nice”
  Simon: “I couldn’t understand a word of it, you sang like a 14 year old and I’m gonna hate myself for saying this but it wasn’t horrible” No, maybe not horrible this weak, but bland and uninspired.  Like everything about his actual personality (not the fake one he’s created for the show).

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Donna says the bottom three are Chris, Haley and Phil.  I say Haley and Phil and LaKisha actually might get penalized for her crap performance.  Eventually Melinda and Jordin will siphon off the diva votes...and it may start this week.  I’m gonna go out on a limb and say LaKisha in the bottom three.  We both say Phil goes home.

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- Recap!  FFWD.  Commercial!  FFWD.  Ford Commercial!  I hate Donna for making me watch this!  It’s always, and every time HORRIBLE and I doubt her humanity each and every time she stops to watch it.  I think only an unfeeling robot could watch this and not want to tear off their own head to stop the input.

- Songwriter contest.  Oh boy...you can hit the website and submit your own master works.

- Three groups of three.  Group 1 - Blake, Chris R. and Sanjaya.  Group 2 is Haley, Gina and Phil...gee, I wonder who is the bottom three?  :) Third group is Jordin, Melinda and LaKisha.  DialIdol has this ALL wrong.

Note - Haley’s wearing a super-short pair of skorts again.  She is really trying to work that sex appeal thing.

The divas are all safe.  Duh.  The three boys are the middle three.  Fucking Sanjaya.  But...our predictions for bottom three were spot on.  Haley, Gina and Phil are the bottom three.  Commercial.  FFWD!

- Contest.  FFWD!  Michael Buble.  FFWD after 30 seconds.  Caught his horrible Barba-rella joke at the end.  Chuckles are not his strong suit.  Commercial!  FFWD.

- Back to the eliminations.  Phil is safe.  Aaannnnnnd 33 million votes later, and Gina Glocksen is eliminated.  No big loss, she was fake through and through.  FFWD past her recap package...nope, she had nothing of interest to say...she starts to sing and...BONG!  Deleted.  So we were wrong about who got the boot but right about the bottom three.  Evs.

See you Tuesday, Idol “fans.” :)

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- Heh.  I’ll admit it, Seacrest coming out in the Sanjaya Fauxhawk was pretty funny.

- Can I possibly impart how horrible I find these Ford commercials?  They make me dislike the brand, and I drive a damn Ford.  They have exactly the opposite effect Ford intends.

- Last night I said Gina, Chris Sligh and Haley, Donna called Chris Sligh, Haley and Sanjaya.

- Blake - safe.  Duh.  LaKisha - safe.  Phil - Bottom three.  Not a total surprise but it blows my prediction.  Melinda - derr, she’s safe.  Chris R. - safe.  Sanjaya - fucking safe and I hate all fans of this show.  Haley - Bottom three.  How fucking shameful that Sanjaya is safe over her and Phil.  Jordin - safe.

- FFWD time!  The stupid question, the charity crap, and we’ll pull like 30 seconds of Gwen Stefani just to see what’s up.  Oh.  It’s craptacular.  My God she needs Pro Tools to sound good.  FFWD!

- Chris or Gina...either way we predicted, so we win one and lose one...Chris is in the bottom three.  We’re both 2 out of three.  Phil is safe.  It’s down to Haley and Chris...hmm...I still say Chris.

- Randy says “hard call.” Paula doesn’t answer either.  Simon says Chris. “Bye Bye Curly.”

- OK ALREADY JUST TELL US.  God they drag this out.  It’s...Chris Sligh eliminated, as predicted.  Woohoo.  DONE!  And once again my Tivo drops the final performance like the wonderful machine that it is.  So smart, those TiVos.

- Next week - Tony Bennett songs.

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• Lakisha Jones - ”Last Dance” by Donna Summers.  I’ll be honest, I really want to see LaKisha and Melinda branch out.  Also, LaKisha looks frigging ridiculous.  It looks like the 70s threw up on her.

  She’s only tolerable performing this.  I think her lisp is getting in the way.  plus her confidence has fallen through the floor.  Not even close to great.  It was passable, but forgettable - save for that horrid dress.

  Randy: “...like a true fly diva that was hot” No.
  Paula: “You did her (Donna Summer) proud” No.
  Simon: “Now you’re 30 years younger.” They all seem to like it.  I thought it was dead.

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• Chris Sligh - ”Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” by the Police.  Gwen said Chris was all over the tempo...he has a serious problem with that, he’s always fast.

  And he’s a quarter of a beat ahead of the band through the whole thing.  His vocal is barely passable as good.  It wasn’t bad.  But it wasn’t good.  Completely stale, he looked scared and it ended weird.

  Randy: “Good song choice” “The band was at one tempo and you were in another tempo.” Chris basically said it was hard to sing, like a master’s class in theory. 
  Paula: same criticism.
  Simon: “I thought it was a mess.” It was.  “It just didn’t feel right and I don’t think it represented you.”

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• Gina Glocksen - ”I’ll Stand By You” by The Pretenders.  Why the hell is she trying to sing Chrissy Hynde ?  Wasn’t it bad enough when Alaina Alexander butchered Brass In Pocket?  Do these girls never learn?

  It starts OK, sort of, and then it devolves into typical Gina hackery.  The first two lines were sang without pretension, simply sung the way the notes demand to be sung...and then in the third line, she put that fake weird “I’m Gina and I’m the rocker” affectation she does to vowel sounds, and it ruins what was a very nice moment.  She’s a hack.  She’s singing with a fake 80’s metal Brett Michaels accent, and that is an affectation.  When she forgets to do it, she can sing like an angel.  When she remembers, it ruins her performance.

  That was really good karaoke.

  Randy: “One of your best performances ever” - yeah, but that’s not saying much.
  Paula: “Improving each week” Hey, Paula is lucid!
  Simon: “It wasn’t one of your best performances, it was your best performance.” He called it the best of the night so far.  Sadly, he’s right.

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  Sanjaya is up next, and he had a Pebbles Flintstone puff on top of his head.  I am not exaggerating.

  

  Why not just wear a shirt that says “I like cock and cannot wait to be a stereotype as soon as I move away from mom & dad!?!?” Wouldn’t it be easier?

• Sanjaya Malakar - ”Bathwater” by No Doubt.  Wow...looks like the rumor mill got this one all wrong, they had him pegged for a Maroon 5 song.  Gwen could barely say anything nice about him. “Good luck with it.”

  Well, can’t hear him well, so thank God for small favors.  It’s the train wreck one would expect.  Seems like he fumbled a lyric too.  It was bad, but it wasn’t his personal worst.  That’s not saying much...he’s easily the worst of the night so far.  Good Christ he looks like a total and complete tool.  It’s a series of Pebbles puffs forming a faux-hawk.

  Randy: “What’s goin’ down man.” That’s not a good thing when Randy starts like that.  “The hairdo is definitely interesting.” “You can sing if you would just put it out there.”
  Paula: “To watch you on stage and not go for it we’re kinda like ‘come on.’”
  Simon: “I don’t think it matters anymore what we say, you are in your own universe, people like you - good luck.”

  And lo and behold, looky what we just happened to pause on.

  

  “My People?” To everyone who said it was racist to say that Indians were voting en masse for Sanjaya just because he’s Indian - fuck you.  To everyone who said it was racist and ridiculous to think that Indian call centers would stack the lines for Sanjaya - fuck you.  You can’t see it in my snap of the TV, but that is a brown hand holding that fucking race-based sign.  So fuck all you jagoffs that threw around the word “racist.”

  And fuck Sanjaya too.  But not in the same way we want to fuck his extra hot sister.

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• Haley Scarnato - ”True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper.  This will be saccharine and syrupy and Disney.  Gwen says she needs to lay off changing the melody.

  Aaaannnd it’s pure schmaltz.  SuperDisney.  She looks great though.  She sounds nice, sure, but there she goes beating the melody to bits...and in the course, stripping this song of all it’s real feeling and emotion.  Just like Gwen warned her not to do.  Nice voice.  Good notes.  Bad melody choice.  Why can’t anyone just sing a fucking song

  Randy: “I wasn’t jumping up and down about it, it was just allright for me”
  Paula: “It’s a beautiful song that requires nothing other than just singing the melody.” She also called it “adult contemporary” instead of remaining young like the original, and holy shit, Paula Abdul is spot ON tonight!  She seems lucid and she’s making excellent observations.  Either she’s on new painkillers or she’s sober.
  Simon: “I think it was sweet but forgettable.” Nothing to remember, really.” Well, her boobs.  I’ll remember those.

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• Phil Stacey - ”Every Breath You Take” by the Police.  Why is Phil wearing an old woman’s knitted cap?  Gollum shouldn’t wear hats.  Gwen says it was good, and he needs to stick to the melody.

  Hey, it started OK...has he learned how to start a song?  He’s doing a bit of a Sting impression right up until the second line of the chorus, then we hear Phil, then he drops back to Sting.  Then the bridge hits and it’s Phil again.  Weird.  Not bad, just something he needs to be aware of.  Not bad, really...this is one of his better performances.  The hat has to go.

  Randy: “I kinda liked that you didn’t push it you coulda pushed it more cuz you got that big old voice”
  Paula: “so much color and personality when you hit the chorus, in the verses you play it safe...” Wow.  Paula’s really on tonight.
  Simon: “This may surprise you Phil, but I actually thought that was very good.”

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• Melinda Doolittle - ”Heaven Knows” by Donna Summers.  Gwen likes her.  “I’d say good luck but I don’t think you need it.”

  OK, she’s turning it out as usual...but that frock/shirt dress thing...oh my LORD.  Who dressed the big girl divas tonight, someone with a vendetta against them?  Still, who gives a shit, she’s sangin this goddamned song.  What else is new.  This is her competition to lose, period.  I can hardly believe this is the same girl from the auditions.

  Randy: “You look at the words and you interpret the feelings...you are living the words and that’s what a real singer does” Yes...that’s the difference between her and almost everyone else.  They are so concerned with cameras and marks and performing and what Simon is going to say, and Melinda seems concerned with the music.
  Paula: “You tell a story from the very first word that comes out of your mouth.”
  Simon: “Vocally you were, as usual, outstanding - hate the outfit.” Exactly.

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• Blake Lewis - ”Love Song” by the Cure.  I love this song.  I thought Jack Off Jill’s cover was as good a cover as could be done, but I also dig on Blake’s way of doing things, so…

  It’s a slow reggae version.  He’s staying - once again - with the vocal melody to maintain the soul of the song - and yet the instrumentation is fresh and new.  It’s understated, soft...quite nice, actually.  It’s the exact opposite emotion from the way JOJ covered it - JOJ went for the pure anger inherent in the song.  Blake went for the meloncholy and longing and I personally think he nailed it.  No beatboxing either, because quite frankly it wouldn’t fit.  I liked that a lot.

  Randy: “Song choice I didn’t love...I wasn’t jumping up and down but I liked it.” They really don’t get him, do they?
  Paula: “I loved what you did with the song I though it was so cool...you’re taking risks and making it original.” Agreed.
  Simon: “Definitely the strongest guy in the competition.” “You’re in this Chris Daughtry zone where you’re doing your own thing and you’ve gotta be careful not to become too indulgent and as Randy said it was a bit boring.” Bullshit.  Simon doesn’t get him.  Period.  Amazing that Paula does.  “It’s a matter of taste” Apparently so.

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• Jordin Sparks - ”Hey Baby” by No Doubt.  WTF?  Why did this song start with the exact laser noise from The Steve Miller Band?  Weird.

  She’s nervous and not projecting the verse at all.  As soon as she starts to strut her voice opens up a bit but I’m not really digging this.  I get the distinct impression she’s scared shitless.  I couldn’t point to anything that says ‘She screwed up here” but the overall impression was pretty flat.  It wasn’t like a yo-factor performance, to paraphrase The Dawg.

  Randy: “You could literally sing anything...that was brilliant.” OK.
  Paula: Something about her youth.
  Simon: “A bit copycattish” Yeah, but it has to be.

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• Chris Richardson - ”Don’t Speak” by No Doubt.  “I’ve seen Chris on the show before, and I know he likes to do this kind of vocal Olympics thing and I don’t think the siong needs it.” Of course it doesn’t, it need plaintive, desperate wailing of solid, whole notes.  Not Chris’ strong suit.

  Timberfake all UP in this bitch!  My God, does he study and practice to try to be the best Justin Timberlake clone he can be?  See also: sucking the emotion out of the song.  Wow.  Flat.  Boring.  Even when he opens up it’s boring.  Pure karaoke.

  Randy: “Not sure it was your best vocal, but I liked it” Feh.
  Paula: “You’re good Chris, you’re good...just good.” She wants to fuck him.
  Simon: “I wasn’t crazy about the vocal, it was OK in bits...you struggled in the middle of it” True.

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Bottom three predictions:  Gina, Chris Sligh, and it should be Sanjaya, but thanks to Stern, VFTW and Indian call centers it won’t be him.  Fucker.  Probably Haley.

Donna says Chris Sligh, Haley and Sanjaya.  We both think Sligh will be going home.

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- Recap!  FFWD.

- Peter Noone singing?  FFWD!

- Commercial.  Total viewing time, 2 minutes.

- Ford Commercial.  My completely tasteless wife feels the need to watch it and actually said “I always love the commercials.” Dear god.  No one said she had taste, she married me.  It added an entire minute and I’m horrified.

- Everybody doesn’t Love Raymond’s Brother.  Why is he here.

- Results.  Phil, Melinda, Blake, - safe, safe, safe.  DialIdol says they were the top 3.  Sligh, LaKisha, Jordin asked to stand.  Safe, safe and safe.  Sanjaya, Haley, Gina asked to stand.  SHIT.  Gina and Sanjaya are not in the bottom three?

- Chris Richardson and Stephanie Edwards.  Wow...the two sound-alike clone singers.  Neither Donna or I predicted this...although I did predict Sanjaya on the tour y’all!  ;)

- Commercial - 6 minutes total so far.

- Idol challenge - another “You’re too stupid to answer a real question” question.  The frigging answer was just on a results show in this season!

- African preach time.  FFWD.

- LuLu sings - FFWD!

- OH SHIT!  at 9:26 we caught up to the live broadcast!  OH no this defeats the whole purpose!  Crap.  I have to time this better next week.  And the commercial explains why Raymond’s Brother was on...he;s on Til death after this.

- Last two.  Who goes?  Donna says Steph.  I don’t think it matters, they’re both boring clones.  Timberfake or Beyonclone, either one can go.  Annnnnnnnd: Beyonclone goes home.  Stephanie Edwards, we’re terribly sorry but the role of Beyonce will continue to be played by Beyonce.  9:29 and the TiVo bongs out of Chris Daughtry’s montagey sap-fest.  G’night!

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• Paula’s doing that drunk “My hands don’t fit together” seal-clap again, and laughing at nothing.  She’s higher than Snoop Dogg.  She’s rambling about picturing Simon nude.  Hey, she’s old and all messed up, and she can’t fuck the talent anymore, she’s gotta think about something.

• Theme - British Invasion.  The best they could get for female Britpop was LuLu?  Really?  AbFab fans are cracking the hell up right now.

• Haley Scarnato - Tell Him Her goal is to be less sweet and more aggressive, and in rehearsal she’s the same old boring Haley.  I wonder if she’ll change that up?  Let’s find out:

  Nope.  Same old middle-aged trying-to-be-young dress (which is weird, since she is young), same old boring Desperate Housewife.  Not even her big juggling cans matter at all, and that’s saying something when I say that...I’ll watch jiggling boobs on a frigging gorilla.  This is boring, boring boring.  Can she tell him that I’m bored?  I just realized who she sounds way too much like - Olivia Newton John.  Also boring.  Donna says that if Vonda Shepard can out-sing you, you’re not doing well (Tell Him was Ally McBeal’s personal theme music and Vonda butchered it about thirty times a season).

  Randy: “Haley’s back.” Whatever, dude.  The boobs got to you.
  Paula: “A girlish quality” “flirtatious.” What?  It was all so clearly forced and fake!  She’s a 50 year old woman trapped in the body of a 24 year old.
  Simon: “You naughty little thing.” Whatever.  “A bit shrieky.” “Young, fun.” He’s also taken in by the tits...he mentioned that people will be talking about more than her singing.

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• Chris Richardson - Don’t let the Sun Catch You Crying.  Justin Timberfake in the house!  Peter Noone caught him avoiding the melody and singing nothing but runs...I hate that.

  Oh god...sitting with a guitar player next to him.  Well, he sang the melody, that’s nice.  Timberfake just is not my cup of tea.  He seems to be singing prettily, if this is your bag you may enjoy his derivativeness.  Me?  I’m already thinking about how to nicely state that I hate Stephanie Edwards for the same reason - melody aversion.  Modern R&B wannabe singers seem to have something against melody lines.

  Randy: “Another great performance.” “It was beautiful.” Yeah, but boring.
  Paula: “Sexy, charming.” Her parts are tingling.
  Simon: “Your best performance yet.” “Control was excellent, very good performance”

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• Stephanie Edwards - she gets a fan question.  I’m fucking ignoring these stupid god-damned things.  You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me.  LuLu called her Beyonce.  Yeah, 6that;s the fucking problem, we already have a Beyonce.

  Well, the Beyonclone is doing precisely what one would expect from someone who has no identity or voice of their own.  She’s singing this like Beyonce would.  It’s not bad or anything...a little weird in the chorus (pitchy), but it’s 100% a clone, copycat Beyonce performance.  Believe me.

  Randy: “Pitchy” He also called her out about not being able to slow it down and stay in tune.
  Paula: “Love what you’re wearing.” Mentions the pitchiness.
  Simon: Simon asked her how she thought she did.  “Well.” Yeah, that’s about it.  “A bit nightclubby, you’re losing your soul.” “Cabaret.” All true.

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• Blake Lewis - Time Of The Season.  He’s going to do his usual Blakebox thing to it, and I predict Simon won’t get it at all, but the house will erupt and it will be cool.

  He clearly re-arranged the music...far less 60’s, a much slinkier, sexy beat.  That last note in the chorus seems off to me, but it’s still pretty interesting.  Yeah...Simon’s NEVER going to get this.  It’s weird, a retro 80’s mixed with a retro 60s with a modern beat.  Very different from everyone else.  And the house erupts, as predicted.

  Randy: “Vibe-y, edgy, yo-factor version of that song.” Brilliant.”
  Paula: “You’ve really really raised the bar.”
  Simon: “A million times better than last week.” Hmm.  He got it?  He said the melody was intact but it felt modern and contemporary.  Well...I was wrong about Simon.  Glad to be wrong there.

  And then Seacrest danced and sang.  Oww.

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• LaKisha Jones - Diamonds Are Forever.  LuLu tried to talked her into You’re My World over a Shirley Bassey number, Diamonds Are Forever.  One reason?  Diamonds is one of Simon’s favorite songs and he’s ruthless when it comes to songs like that.

  She’s wearing a million dollars worth of diamonds?  If I were the jeweler that lent them, I’d be pissed that no one said my name.  Looks like LuLu was right, there’s no passion and heart in this performance.  Yes, it’s technically sound...but wait, there went a bad note, and all her heart is gone...plus it’s EXACTLY a James Bond film version that sounds dated and terrible after Blake just turned it out modern-style.

  Man, loads of bad notes here.  She should have listened to LuLu.  It was cold, boring and tons of bum notes.  Too much of a Shirley bassey impersonation as well.  Shirley done sang it, it ain’t gonna get sung like that again, to paraphrase The Dawg.

  Randy: “I didn’t feel enough LaKisha in it.” “It was alright.”
  Paula: “I think you picked the right song” DEAD WRONG, DRUNKY.  It was the wrong choice.
  Simon: “You are a fantastic singer, however this was LaKisha in 50 years time.” Paula interrupts and says “But that’s the type of song...” Yes, stupid, so was Blake’s, and look what he did.  You ave the memory of a fucking goldfish.  Simon went on to say ‘The hair, the dress, the mannerisms, it was like seeing you in 50 years time.” “Too old-fashioned.”

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• Phil Stacey - Tobacco Road.  Uh-oh.  David Lee Roth done covered this and no one is ever going to cover it that well again...so it’s up to us to put that aside.

  It’s...awkward.  The vocals are OK...but the performance is REALLY awkward.  No confidence at ALL on display.  I think Phil Stacey has reached the peak of his powers.  He’s a truly excellent karaoke singer.  He could be karaoke champion of the world.  A pop or rock star?  No.  I’m way, way off the Phil Stacey train.

  Randy: “Pitchy spots” “it was, uhh...pretty good for me actually”
  Paula: “Good choice of song” “pitchy” “Good performance”
  Simon: “I wasn’t crazy about it.” “Bar band performance.” “You need grit in your voice to pull a song like that off.” “You’re being out-sung by a lot of the singers.” All 100% accurate.

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• Jordin Sparks - I Who Have Nothing.  LuLu is the most annoying coach ever.  Here’s Jordin trying to rehearse and LuLu sings an out-of-tune high note over her at the end.  Christ...shut up and let the kid sing.

  Performance - So far VERY dramatic and attention-grabbing.  Hard to believe she’s a 17 year old kid.  WOW!  She just turned it out and blew LaKisha off the stage.  WOW...not a bad note, power for days...that was out-frigging-standing.  The crowd would barely stop applauding to let Randy talk.  Always a good meter by which to measure - when the live audience boos, it’s always just a faction.  When they won’t stop cheering, it means the singer just did very well.

  Randy: “Very controlled, great great performance”
  Paula: her age doesn’t matter “A good singer is a good singer”
  Simon: “You sang it beautifully but I feel like jumping off a bridge, it was so gloomy!” That means she did it right, Simon...she imparted all the emotion inherent in the song.  “I just want the sun to shine or something!”

  Seacrest - “I think Simon, to get it, you have to experience love with someone other than yourself.” Seacrest 1, Cowell 0.

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• Sanjaya Malakar - “Sanjaya walks in to the room with Peter Noone and says “I’m kinda on the fence...” Yeah.  We know.  We can tell.  Moving on.  He wants to do You Really Got Me or I’m Into Something Good.  He’s horrible at both of them.

  It’s You Really Got Me.  Oh boy.  Sanjaya Suckakar.  This is fucking horrid.  It’s one of the worst performances of anything I have ever seen on the big stage of this show.  It’s god-damned atrocious.  And the problem here is demonstrated in two parts - This idiot can’t sing for fucking hell, so the Vote For The Worst crowd is backing him, and as they kept showing, clueless ten year old girls who don’t know why their parts tingle when they look at him and can’t tell he bats for the other team cry and shake when they see him.  They kept showing this one girl who was having a Beatles reaction...she was obviously the only one, since they never showed another one, but hordes of this child exist, and they are voting for his hair.

  Sanjaya Malakar is a talentless hack who needs to be sent home.

  Randy: “You shocked me tonight” “Best performance to date” Yeah, but how did he sound, Randy?  Like shit.  Why are you facilitating this garbage?
  Paula: “A lot of fun to see you like this” She’s too high to hear anyway.
  Simon: “I think the little girl’s face says it all” They’re not getting that.  It wasn’t a compliment.  The little girl is Ashley, and Sanjaya Suckakar gives her a hug.  Fuck her, fuck him, fuck Howard Stern and fuck Vote For The Worst.

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• Gina Glocksen - Paint It Black She looks like she’s trying WAY too hard to look “styledgy” - stylish yet edgy.  She looks like a poseur.  Hey..."critiques on blogs and whatever that can get you down.” Eat it, Glocksen, you’re not good enough.  LuLu is asking her to pitch it up to better match her voice.

  *sigh* More karaoke.  What else is new from her.  Flat...bad notes...no energy.  She’s not “the rocker” of this season, she’s a wannabe.  This is...average karaoke at best.  It’s not even worth comparing to Blake and Jordin.

  Randy: “You’re our resident rocker this season” No, she’s our resident poseur.  “It was just alright for me.”
  Paula: “Miles better than last week” “This is what you have fun doing” Yeah but she sucks at it.  Then she mumbles something about Simon’s favorite song and “It wouldn’t be Paint It Purple.” and no one understands a Vicodin-inspired word.
  Simon: “There were moments of complete torture in that vocal” YES!  “It was so off melody at moments it was just horrible” “It was just not very good.” “Style over content.” Again, 100% accurate.
  Gina: “I feel like I sang, I performed and I feel good about it.” Well you shouldn’t because you sucked.  Bottom three.

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• Chris Sligh - She’s Not There I see Sligh is back to looking like himself.  Good.  Peter advised him to try to figure out what the song means for him personally so he can connect.  Good advice.

  OK. His vocal is good, but he’s walking through the crowd to start it off.  He’s paying, as EVERYONE does on this show - all his attention to the camera.  I think they are told to do that and it SUCKS.  There are real human beings, female human beings, all along his path he could be singing too, connecting with and using to draw emotion from and then pour that back into the song.  Instead, as he walks by them, he barely acknowledges their presence, it feels automated.  Robotic.  Cold.  And that feeling permeates the entire performance.  No real connection.  He didn’t take Peter’s advice and actually use it.  This was the best so far of the karaoke performances, but it wasn’t good enough.

  Donna: “Bloom’s coming off his rose awful fuckin’ quick.  Him and Phil.”

  Randy: “It started off a little rough” “Wound up good, ended it really strong”
  Paula: “You’re dressing much nicer” Wait, wasn’t this the same stupid whore that was complaining when Simon talked about LaKisha’s outfit?  Fuck you, Paula.  Die in a fire.
  Simon: He asks Paula based on her comment what Chris could have done to be more personable with the audience.  I’m guessing Simon wasn’t watching Chris and didn’t see how Sligh was COMPLETELY disconnected from the people he was barely touching as he passed them.  Chris himself seems to understand his mistake though.  Simon doesn’t.  “It was fun, it wasn’t the best vocal we’ve heard tonight, a lot better than last week.”

  Chris: “You gotta focus on the camera...” See?  They are forced to do that dumb shit instead of singing to the people in the crowd and letting REAL emotion happen.

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• Melinda Doolittle - As Long As He Needs Me.  She says it’s out of her comfort zone.  LuLu said “Wow.” So...there you go.

  As soon as she starts the difference is obvious.  I don’t know exactly when she threw off the shackles of “background singer” but she has done exactly that.  She’s a pro, so maybe it;s not fair but she;s also clearly superior to the others week after week.  Now, I don’t dig the material.  Musicals are like Disney songs to me.  Syrupy, dripping with saccharine, faux emotion, etc.  Boring and repetitive.  But...she done sang it like it’s supposed to be sung… Easily the best of the night.

  Donna: “That’s how you do it.” Indeed.

  Randy: “I guess we can say tonight we probably saved the best vocal for last” “Great relative pitch, you are a pro up there.”
  Paula: “You tell a story with a song” Wow, a good comment from Paula.  Rare.
  Simon: “When it started, it was a boring song but you made the second part of the song sensational with an impeccable vocal.” Good point again.  She made me care about a crap song.

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• Bottom three:  Donna and I agree - Sanjaya, Gina and Phil.  I think Sanjaya was so awful that it will overcome the VFTW influence.  Donna thinks the show will simply engineer it so he;s gone.  I don’t think he will go, though.  He’ll make top ten over a better singer, and you know why?  That crying girl.  If there is engineering to be done, Sanjaya will stay and then go eitehr next week or the week after.  Sanjaya Malakar will sell tickets on the Idol tour to throngs of stupid little girls who don’t know any better.  Gina Glocksen wouldn’t sell tickets if she worked in the ticket booth.  Everyone’s bored with Gollum, so he could be in trouble.  I say Gina to go with Phil as my backup choice.  Sanjaya makes top ten and the tour.

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- Dude, a half-hour results show.  Sweet.  I can fast-forward this down to 10 minutes!

- Our predictions for bottom three from last night: Brandon Rogers, Chris Sligh, Gina Glocksen.

- Skip the recap.  Skip the group song after the first 12 seconds.  Why is LaKisha wearing a tablecloth?  OH MY GOD IT’S THE FIRST FORD COMMERCIAL.  The “70’s-to-today” theme makes it like, 100 times worse than it had to be.  I’ve seen maybe 90 seconds so far.  Doing good!

- LaKisha - safe.  Gina - safe. Crap!  Brandon - bottom three.  Heh.  Jordin - safe.  Chris Richardson - safe.  Melinda - safe...listen to the crowd, she seems to be the number one choice.  Phil - bottom three.  Chris Sligh - safe.  Nuts!  Stephanie - safe.  Blake - wow...the ladies LOVE that guy...listen to those screams.  Safe. 

- Are they going to make the bottom two of three stand there for the whole show?  Why didn’t they do this quiz thing and Diana Ross’ performance first?  Honestly - not that I care this much - but it seems cruel to make them wait this long.

- Diana Ross.  OK...nice diva entrance.  Umm...Would it be crazy of me to say that Diana Ross has lost it?  She sounds like shit.  She couldn’t make it to the top 12 on THIS season of Idol with her current sound.  No doubt that she’s a legend.  No doubt that she was once perhaps the best female pop singer around...but that was long ago.  Fast forward.

- So far about 6 minutes of actual viewing time.

- Back from commercial and the choice is Sanjaya and Haley...Sanjaya is bottom three!  DEAR MARY MOTHER OF GOD, PRAY FOR US VIEWERS NOW AND AT THE HOUR OF OUR NEED.  AMEN.  My apologies to Catholics everywhere...I’m sure that’s blasphemous.  Still.  If the Holy Mother could see her way to making this happen…

- Phil sits back down.  OhGodOhGodOhGod let it be Hairboy.  Either way we win, but still, I want this little jerk to leave.  28 million votes.  That’s DOWN from the earlier counts...maybe people are getting sick of the BS? 

- FUCK.  Sanjaya is safe.  Sonofa...Well, still, Brandon’s gone.  Yay!  He was one of the picks...BLOOP!  TiVo cut it off before we got to hear his final performance.  My TiVo is smart - he knows what we like.

- OK, done.  7 minutes.  Woohoo!  THAT’S the way you watch American Idol!  By the way, anyone feel like this result was manipulated?  There should have been ZERO chance of Sanjaya being in the bottom three according to DialIdol, and they are sometimes wrong but to be that wrong?  Smells like Aiken all over again to me.

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- A recap of the five successes Idol can claim...note how they don’t mention how the hundreds of other Idols have simply vanished off the face of the earth, including two of the winners. 

- The stage looks like a Jetson’s set.  Are stacked 50’s rings back in style architecturally?

- Oh my God, Simon is wearing white.  CALL THE TABLOIDS!

- OK, I’m’a give it up tp Diana Ross’ plastic surgeon.  She looks young(er) without looking like a complete freak show.

- Brandon Rogers - Can’t Hurry Love.  I expect to be bored.  He starts with a cornball turnaround move and a HORRIBLE note...then he’s off key most of the time.  Either he and the band think they’re on two different keys or he’s just terrible without monitors.  He’s also off time.  It’s just getting worse as he goes on...this is a mess.  OH SHIT HE JUST SCREWED UP THE LYRICS!  He was so busy showing off the hip movement bullshit he blew the lyrics.

Useless.  He’s barely a background singer.  Bottom three performance right off the bat.

Randy said he’s reverted back to a background singer.  “Dog it’s gotta be a lot better than that for me dude.” Slurry McStupid glossed it over as she always does.  Simon called it a complete letdown.  He came across as a background singer for a background singer.  No originality.  100% correct.  It was all bad.

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- Melinda Doolittle is getting a question from a fan - “What is the hardest part of this contest?” Is this a question from a 10 year old?  It’s on par with “If you win Miss USA, what would you do to help end suffering in the world?” Her answer is the high heels.  Seacrest asks Simon if he has advice, then they do the whole “accuse each other of being gay” schtick.  Seacrest gets the last word as usual.  Seacrest 1, Cowell 0. :)

Melinda is doing Home.  Wow.  I didn’t type a word while she sang.  She’s simply...a whole new person when she steps on that stage these days.  Power, passion...she’s just...Lakisha’s only competition is what she is!  That was outstanding.  Not a single micro-second of that performance was off in any way.  She couldn’t have done better if she had a million do-overs.

And as soona s the music stops she gets all meek again!  Weird.  Randy said it was really really strong.  Paula is crying her opiated face off.  Simon is a little choked up too!  He’s trying to cover it by laughing at Paula.  Simon called her a young Gladys Knight and said she made a boring song great.  I can’t imagine how Lakisha is going to top that, but...I sort of expect her to.

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- Chris Sligh is going to sing Endless Love Never sing a duet solo on American Idol.  That’s one of the rules.  Plus his voice is not suited to this in any way.  He’s re-arranged it to try to “modernize” it.  I predict big mess.  Diana seems to feel that the hook is missing.

What the hell is with the Clocks ripoff arrangement?  Fuck this is atrocious.  This is terrible.  His voice sounds OK, but fuck him, he stole the melody and the backing music from Coldplay...he just wholesale lifted Clocks and sang some shitty no-melody-having vocal melody over the top.  Chris just lost all my support.  It’s one thing to try to re-arrange - it’s another to just steal Coldplay’s music.

Randy called the Coldplay although he nailed the wrong song.  “That was a mess for me.” Paula said he’s trying too hard to be hip and cool.  Exactly.  Simon said he murdered the arrangement.  “I think you turned a beautiful song into a complete and utter drone.” Audience (barely) boooo!” “Even the boos are light.” That’s because you ruined the song and everyone knows it.

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- Gina Glocksen - she was a little starstruck by Diana.  She’s singing Lovechild.

Eh.  It’s good karaoke.  If I saw her at a bar singing, I’d be like “Hey, she can kinda sing!  How refreshing.” But here?  On the big stage?  Not good enough.  Sharp a lot, mumbly...not great.

Randy says pitchy, no excitement, boring.  Paula - tried to speak, basically she said Gina is better than what she just showed.  Simon - “It was OK, it was one of those performances you can’t say much about...it wasn’t terrible it wasn’t fantastic.” He called it a “middle-pack performance.” Yeah...not bad enough to can her, but not good enough.

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- Oh God.  Sanjaya “Poofyhair” Malakar is going to sing Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.  What is this, make JimK suffer night or something?

The clip they showed seems like Diana wasn’t really pleased with how Sanjaya was doing it in practice.  And he comes out of the box sucking exactly as much as you would expect.  FUCK VOTE FOR THE WORST FUCK VOTE FOR THE WORST I HATE YOU I HATE VOTE FOR THE WORST.  This kid has zero fucking talent.  And what the FUCK is with the jeri curl?

He’s lost.  This song is like 50 sizes too big for him.  His pitch was horrifyingly bad, his timing was well a mess...it might be one of the worst top 12 performances of all time.  Worst.  Ever.

Randy starts with the dogs and yo’s.  “I don’t even know what to say man!” “Dude it wasn’t very good.” “Thank God for the background singers.” Paula rambles on about him as a person...who fuckig cares?  Did he sing well or not you high-ass bitch?  Simon:  “When you hear a wail in Beverly Hills, that is where Diana Ross is watching this show.  She’s going to freak when she hears that, the only similarity is the hairstyle.”

I FUCKING HATE VOTE FOR THE WORST DOT COM.

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- Haley Scarnato is up next to sing Missing You.  I guess.  If she can hear herself, maybe./ Diana says she has a “recording studio” voice as opposed to a live projecting voice.  Yeah, that’s true, she loses it when she has to belt.

OK....why wear that dress if you’re going to sit?  The vocals are OK.  Weird at first but they are better in the chorus (higher register...she’s not good at the bottom end).  Oh she got up. How nice for her.  It’s not bad, but it’s entirely forgettable.  Like her words.  It’s cruise-ship/wedding singer quality.

Randy: Pitchy, forgot the words.  Paula: You look good!  Pitch, words.  Simon: “I didn’t think it was that bad.” Umm...Simon is telling her we will remember her, and she has presence?  He’s trying to manipulate votes again.  This is Simon trying to get Sanjaya off the god-damned show.  Can’t say as I blame him.

Haley is torn up over this, shes said to the judges that she felt like it was the worst performance because she “messed up her words.” Paula, the fucking drunken, pilled up bag of shit that she is, tells Haley, and I quote:  “Half the time the audience never knows that you’ve messed up, they don’t know anything, so never let them see anything like that.”

Oh Fuck you Paula.  We always know, you stupid whore.  We’re not fucking idiots with no ability to hear.  Thanks for insulting the entire viewing audience though.  Try not to choke to death on your own vomit from a Vicodin/Vodka cocktail.  Cunt.  Sorry...I know the C-word is verboten, but that’s what she is.  Fuck her.  I’ll tell you what we know: That Paula Abdul needed heavy engineering AND a sing-along sound-alike background singer in order to carry a tune.  The audience knows that much, Paula.  Die in a fire.  Or a car crash.  Soon.

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- Phil Stacey up next.  I’m Gonna Make You Love Me.  I do not think he’s suited for it, but hey...if he can bring it at least he can be assured of being in the top three of the guys.  They;ve kind of sucked so far.

Not a great start.  It started weird as hell again until the chorus.  What is the deal with this guy and starting songs terribly?  It picked up really well after he opened up during that first chorus...I just can’t figure out why this guy can’t start a song properly!  If you chop off the first 30 seconds, it was a really good, solid performance.  He’s the best male vocal tonight so far.

Randy - Vocals were hot, performance was boring.  Paula agrees with Randy.  Simon warned him about the shouting when he hits the big notes.  Middle of the pack.

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- LaKisha Jones is singing God Bless The Child.  This is either going to be genius or a mess.

OK...it was a mixed bag.  She was clearly not familiar enough with the material.  She needed more time to make a song like that her own...and yet she tried with timing changes, phrasing tricks and using “daddy” instead of “poppa.” Some of that failed.  Vocally, though, it was OK...Donna called it “A wasted opportunity” and that’s exactly what it was.  She had a chance to turn it OUT and she decided to lay back and go for the easy jump shot.  Disappointing...but she’s still Melinda’s only real competition here as far as quality goes.

Randy says perfect song choice, sensational and he’s GLAD she didn’t over-sing.  I think she under-sang...which is just as bad.  Paula rambled on about her beauty and nothing about her singing.  Simon says “You’ve either got it or you haven’t got it.  You’ve got it.” “The quality difference between you and Melinda compared to the other singers we’ve heard so far, it’s...you two are in a different league.” They are.

She also mentions that she was intentionally reigning it in tonight...OK, I get it, but was this the song to reign it in with?  Not like it matters, she’s here for the long haul.

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- Blake Lewis gets a viewer question.  What do you listen to?  These questions are stupid, pageant-level nonsense.  Moving on - He’s singing You Keep Me Hangin’ On.  He’s written a whole new arrangement in what looked like Garage Band.  OK...maybe that will play better than Chris Sligh’s wholesale theft of Coldplay music.

Interesting...he kept the soul of the song, the vocal melody, and re-arranged the music and modernized it.  He actually succeeded...Blake is a constant surprise, week after week.  He’s also utterly and completely at home on that stage.  He threw a little oddball breakdown with a falsetto and some timing changes and it was interesting.  It’s the first one of the night - INCLUDING Melinda’s - that I was actually interested in hearing again and possibly downloading to my iPod.  This is not the best singer in the competition, but he might be the best musician and one of the best performers.  He also pulls off the hipster messydressy dress code without looking like a dink.  Not an easy thing to do.  He looks right dressed like that.

Seriously, the stage looks like the Jetson’s apartment complex.

Randy gave him the same criticism they gave Chris...not fair.  Paula spotted Randy’s mistake and said Blake was different.  Simon didn’t get it.  He never gets Blake.  OK...one fair criticism was that his vocal wasn’t strong enough at all.  That is likely a side effect of working on all the rest of it...given another week of rehearsal, I’m betting it would be 200% improved.  I think the judges were way too harsh.  This was an interesting change of pace.

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- Stephanie Edwards, Love Hangover.  Looks like Diana got her to drop the Beyonce impersonation she’s been doing.  She’s actually just singing...I think this is the first time we’ve ever heard Stephanie...Now, it’s not my thing.  I’m not a fan of her.  But I know when a commercial artist is singing in front of me, and I could make millions with her.  I just personally cannot connect in any way with her.  Doesn’t mean I couldn’t sell her records!  :) Still, she botched a few words.

Randy says it was a good vocal and she forgot words.  Paula wanted to know why she didn’t sing the big part.  Simon says she sang an intro and failed to deliver.  Her explanation was that when the big disco part kicks in, it’s a lot of instrumentation and ad-libbing.  Good point...not sure what the judges expected her to do in two minutes, let the band play alone for half of it?

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- Chris Richardson is doing The Boss.  Timberlake Jr. is gonna try to Timberlake it up.  I half expect him to try to work his dick in a box into the song.

Ouch.  Starts weak and flat.  He looks scared and he’s pitchy as hell.  Pick a key dude!  Then he jumps onto the “I’m closer to the audience” stage for a bit and starts pitching change-ups all over the floor.  As he walks back to the main stage, he dropped like 54 notes.

Ouch.

Randy said he overdid it a little, too many runs.  Half good half bad.  Paula said he nailed the blend of old and contemporary.  Umm...no?  Simon - the vocal was dreadful.  Yes, yes it was.

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- Jordin Sparks If We Hold On Together.  I don’t know this one at all.  It’s an animated movie song...not Disney but the same damn thing.  They all have the exact same melody line are are all equally as boring.  She’s singing it though...kid’s got pipes.  OK...when the bridge kicked in she should have stood up.  She waits for the second bridge instead.  That’s right, this song has two bridges before the fucking chorus.  Did I mention I hate Disney and Disney-style soundtrack songs?

She sang it very, very well.  I just hate the song.  Not her fault.

Randy is impressed.  He says she made it a three-girl race.  Paula says she drew her in.  Simon said it was a little gooey.  Very, very good vocal, and she has put herself in to having a shot at the finals.

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As for the bottom three?  What it should be: Sanjaya, Sanjaya and Sanjaya.  He was hands down the fucking worst and let me say it again - VOTE FOR THE WORST SUCKS AND I HATE THEM.  What it will be:  My picks are Brandon Rogers, Chris Sligh, Gina Glocksen.  My powerball pick is Chris Richardson.  Donna: Brandon Rogers, Gina Glocksen, Chris Richardson.  Donna almost wanted Sligh.  No, wait - she’s changed it.  Replace Richardson with Sligh.  We’re sticking with Brandon Rogers, Chris Sligh, Gina Glocksen.  Yes Regis, that is our final answer.

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Yeah, so that’s a spoiler.  So what?  Sue me.  She’s GONE!  I never have to see or more importantly hear her again.

HA!  You know, there is a God after all.  Antonella Barba couldn’t stay on American Idol even with VoteForTheWorst’s support.  Tee-hee.  Maybe she should take that quarter-mill from Girls Gone Wild.

Haley beat Sabrina for a spot though, so God must be tone-deaf.

CHRIST FUCKING JESUS now I have to get preached at during American FUCKING Idol?  I can’t escape the horrible world even here?  They’re going to be touring the poorest parts of Africa and America and making us all feel like shit for trying to forget it for like, five minutes.  Why not just donate the god-damned money and shut the fuck up about it?  Does it have to be so frigging gaudy?

Holy FUCK.  Sanjaya is in the top 12?  He’s fucking talentless.  That’s...well, that’s American Idol.  Hair, baby.  Welcome to Constantine Maroulyfuck all over again.

At least the 5 hours a week is over.  There’s that.  :)

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