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Tue, 24 Apr 2007 21:17:01

American Idol - Top 6 and “Idol Gives Back”

I do not plan on watching ANY of the self-aggrandizing “Idol Gives Back” bullshit.  We are fast-forwarding anything that isn’t a contestant performing or judges talking about a contestant performing.

- Jesus...Seacrest’s open is so pretentious.  “The calls you make will not only save your favorite contestants, they will also...DRAMATIC PAUSE...save lives!  Eat me, asshole, I donate to charity on my time, I don’t need this ridiculous, corporate-sponsored guilt trip.

- OH shit… There’s a LIMIT to the amount they’re donating!  Ten cents a call for the first 50 million calls, with a ceiling of $5,000,000.  Idol had made more this year from the “contest” phone calls and text messages than they are spending on this “charity” donation.  They will gain more in boosted ratings during a traditionally slow period, increased ad revenue this and next year due to that jump in ratings (again, during a traditionally slower period for Idol) and in corporate sponsorship than this “charity” event will cost, so they aren’t giving anything back at all.

Giving back would be, without fanfare and self-aggrandizing pomp and circumstance, simply making a massive donation to a given charity and shutting the fuck up about it.

- It’s even worse now.  Bono is the celebrity “mentor” but he won’t be on until tomorrow so what’s he mentoring?  Maybe he can teach them how to yodel-sing* and at the same time preach his fool “I wish I was knighted like Geldof” head off.  Also, tomorrow night is a TWO HOUR RESULTS SHOW.  Just fucking shoot me in the face.

* Bono can sing...and I love old U2 pre “Joshua Tree.” But let’s face it, Bono’s not the best singer you ever heard.  I’m not even sure he knows what a key is, I’m pretty sure that the rest of the band just writes and plays around whatever oddly yodel-like key he gets into at the top of a song.  Plus you just know it eats his as sthat he’s not been knighted yet like that guy from the frigging Boomtown Rats.  I mean, the Boomtown Rats?  They couldn’t open for U2 back in the Live At Red Rocks days!

  • Chris Richardson - Change The World from Clapton.  Oddly, I think he might be suited to this.  It might actually be right in his vocal range.

    Hmm...He sounds....weak?  Soft?  I think he’s doing two things wrong: he’s Timberfaking the vocal, and he’s sitting, limiting his diaphragmatic breath control.  And as soon as he stands, he sounds a lot stronger.  Still Timberfake, though.  Or rather like a mix between a Timberlake wannabe and a white kid who wishes he was either Blake or Stevie Wonder.

    Donna: “I’m finding this performance totally uninspiring.” Yeah me too.  Boring.  And he ended on what must have been a run of thirty-seven different notes.  JUST SING THE SONG!  Of course the judges will love it.

    Randy: “For the first time in a long time for me, dude, you in it to win it.” Whatever.  They always love his Timberfake performances.
    Paula: “You did fantastic...really well done...really proud of you...see your journey.” What journey?  That is the same thing he’s always done!
    Simon: “It kind of feels like the competition starts tonight.” “It was a good vocal...more soul in it...I think you did really well.” Yes, as a Timberlake impressionist!  Opposite day once again for us and the judges over Chris.

    1-866-IDOLS-01
    and
    1-866-IDOLS-07

  • Melinda Doolittle - There Will Come A Day by Faith Hill.  Is this a tactical move by preemptively showing she’s better at gospel-inspired music than LaKisha is?  ;)

    What can I say?  You’d expect her to SANG the snot out of this and make it melodramatic and huge, and that’s precisely what she’s doing.  She looks thrilled to be doing it, she’s singing her ass off, she’s on tune, huge when needed, finishes soft...precisely what you expect from the pro.  The crowd can barely stop cheering.

    Randy: “MELINDA IS HERE!”
    Paula: “There’s no one like you.” I can’t wait for the night with you?  Come ON!  Scorpions humor rules.
    Simon: “It wasn’t a copycat performance...you made me believe you recorded it originally.” “That really was a vocal master class.” Not much else to add.

    1-866-IDOLS-02
    and
    1-866-IDOLS-08

  • Blake Lewis - Imagine by John Lennon.  I hope he gives it a “Blake twist.”

    Nope.  Just a straight, boring, nowhere-near-exciting-or-inspiring performance.  It’s nice, but.  That’s the best thing I can say.  Nice, but.  The but is “I was bored.”

    Randy: “It was just kind of a’ight for me dog.”
    Paula: “I really enjoyed it.” She emphasized the simplicity and emotion.
    Simon: “It didn’t go anywhere...you sang it with sincerity.”

    1-866-IDOLS-03
    and
    1-866-IDOLS-09

  • LaKisha Jones - is wearing a huge formal curtain.  Seriously, it looks like a curtain in the formal parlor of a British country mansion.  Anyway, she’s singing I Believe from Fantasia Barino.  Just one more in a long series of REALLY stupid song choices by LaKisha.  She couldn’t possibly sing it anywhere near as good as Fantasia did on this show.

    Umm...she didn’t finish the word “edge” in the first line.  She sang “Have you ever reached a rainbow’s ehhhhhhhh....” She was avoiding her lisp.  Oh man, she’s ALL over the place key-wise.  She’s blowing this left right and center.  She’s also screaming at the top of her lungs again.

    Man...was I wrong about this woman.  She’s nowhere near ready for something like this.  She’s just lucky that so many others were so awful.  She might be the next to go if Phil Stacey does well.

    Randy: “A couple pitch problems...wasnt your best, but I did like it.”
    Paula: “You are a powerhouse vocalist...I have a hard time getting past Fantasia.” She’s trying to say “Bad song choice” honey.
    Simon: “Again I’m having an issue, LaKisha, with the shouting...” and then the crowd interrupts him and he yells at them.  ;)

    1-866-IDOLS-04
    and
    1-866-IDOLS-10

  • Phil Stacey - The Change by Garth Brooks.  Heh, it could work, maybe countrifying himself in the Garth Brooks style will overcome that “I can’t start a song to save my life” problem he has.  Or maybe not since it’s a ballad.

    Err...why is Michael McDonald singing a Garth Brooks song?  No wise man has the power to reason this into a good performance.  Why is Phil Stacey alternating between himself and a Michael McDonald impression?  Does this fool believe that we’ll like him if he sounds like he’s fronting the Doobie Brothers?  Anyway...at least he stayed on key and was, as Donna said, passionate about this song.  Feh...he’s not a pop star at all.  He’s just the best singer on his ship.  He’ll probably always be the best singer at any wedding...unless of course Jill Gioia is there.  ;)

    Randy: “You’re back again this week...very nice vocal....”
    Paula: “This was your best.” WTF?
    Simon: “I really like you...good choice of song...” He advised him to slip that country tone back into his voice.  All the judges are trying to save Phil for some reason.

    1-866-IDOLS-05

  • Jordin Sparks - You’ll Never Walk Aloneby everyone.  It’s a big-voice ballad and right up her alley.

    She’s really very, very good, especially considering that she’s 17 and could only get better with time, practice and training.  This is a syrupy ballad so it’s not my cup of tea, but she’s knocking it out of the park.  There were maybe two teeny tiny moments when her throat seemed dry or like she has a cold or something, but they were minute.  Excellent performance if schmaltz is your cup of tea.  Big finish for the show.

    Randy: “One of the best vocals of anyone ever...from someone who is seventeen years old!”
    Paula: “You’re glorious.”
    Simon: “Unlike Randy, I thought you were fantastic.” That song is about 60 years old - I think you’d have a hit record with that.” Maybe.  It was HUGE.

    1-866-IDOLS-06
    and
    1-866-IDOLS-11


  • Bottom three, both agree: Blake, LaKisha and Phil.  We’re gonna hang that ass over the ledge again and predict LaKisha going home.


    Posted by JimK at 09:17 PM on April 24, 2007
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    Categories: TelevisionAmerican Idol
    Tags:
    Technorati: TV Music American Idol Paula Abdul Randy Jackson Simon Cowell Blake Lewis Jordin Sparks Lakisha Jones Chris Richardson Melinda Doolittle Phil Stacey



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