Britney Spears topless.  For real.  And it sucks.

Dudes...and dudettes if you get down like that; remember when we all wanted a piece of that?  Yeah...that was a long time ago in celebri-years.  Yoinks!  After the jump, some decidedly non-hot, non-sexy (and actually non-nude, the bits are covered with flowers) topless shots of everyone’s favorite celebrity train wreck, the soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Britney Federline.  These were apparently taken last month at a friend’s house.  Some friend, huh?

More

What’s the opposite of an erection?  Turtling, that’s what.  My penis just turtled back inside my body to try to get as far away from Brits as possible.  So not hot.

Also, she performed for 16 minutes on stage at the House of Blues in San Diego last night.  For $125 a ticket.  She was on stage for sixteen minutes.  And she lip-synched the whole set.  If I were in the crowd I might have put a hit out on her for that one.  Or just fulfilled the contract that KFed probably has on her.  Anyway, there’s video (grainy, blown-out cell phone video but video nonetheless). 

Career.  Dead.

Less

Posted by JimK at 06:59 PM on May 02, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots
Tags: Britney Spears topless celebrity nude

The carbon credit catastrophe is a really inconvenient truth

But...but...Al Gore said!

A Financial Times investigation has uncovered widespread failings in the new markets for greenhouse gases, suggesting some organisations are paying for emissions reductions that do not take place.

Others are meanwhile making big profits from carbon trading for very small expenditure and in some cases for clean-ups that they would have made anyway.

If you ever thought that these carbon credits were worth a damn, you’re probably the kind of person that likes to make gestures just so it looks like you’re doing something rather than actually solving a problem.

Which is a long way of saying “Washington Democrat” or “liberal blogger.”

Also, Al Gore is profiteering from this farce.  Look for that story to be in your local paper or the evening news real soon. /sarcasm

Posted by JimK at 08:43 PM on April 26, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots,  News,  Politics,  Natural Disaster
Tags: carbon credits global warming

Paris Hilton - Not Prince’s favorite singer

Prince = hero.

Did Prince publicly humiliate wannabe pop princess Paris Hilton on purpose?  A source tells Us Weekly that Hilton, 26, was in the audience at the Purple One’s April 20 Club 3121 gig at the Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino in las Vegas when he invited the “Stars Are Blind” singer to join him.  As a “delighted” Hilton obliged, Prince, 48, handed her the mic and told the audience, “Let’s see if she can really sing,” says the witness.

Hilton stormed offstage – and left the club two songs later.  Prince’s rep had no comment. Hilton’s rep says, “The item is false.”

I want this to be true so much that I’m experiencing blue balls over it.  I yearn for this to be true.  Come on, someone out in innerwebsland must have been there!  Oh Prince...your sense of humor is only tempered by your need for camels in the middle of the night.*

More

* The Kevin Smith/Prince camel story is famous now after Kev immortalized it in his “An Evening With Kevin Smith.” A transcript follows:

I go in and he’s sitting on the stage and he’s very small .
He looks big on-stage, but he’s very small . But he’s decked out.

He’s wearing clothes that look like somebody just sewed them .
Like an outfit, like he’s in a play, doing Shakespeare.

Not like nice clothes like this.
And he’s in heels, of course.

I’m like, “He’s in heels. It’s casual time and he’s in heels.”
I always thought, around the house, he’s wearing kicks.

So we start talking . He tells me about his beefs with the music industry.
And you can’t follow him ,he’s jumping topic to topic.

And I’m like, “Uh-huh . I don’t know what he’s saying . What?”
And he’s talking , at one point,” Anybody can take a song and record it.”

I was like, “Really?” He’s like, “It happened to Chaka Khan .”
He’s like, “Whitney Houston recorded , ‘I’m Every Woman .’

Chaka didn’t want that, Chaka mad ."I’m like, “Chaka mad?”
He’s like, “Chaka real mad .”

I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do about Chaka being mad .
He’s like, “I want you to shoot people’s reaction to the album .

Let them listen to it and you have them talk about it.
And then I want to talk about religion and lead that into race. . .

. . .and lead it into the music biz and radio.
At the end of the week, I want to change the world .”

I’m like, “I’m in the middle of making a dick-and-fart-joke movie.
I’m not prepared to change my underwear, let alone the world .

I don’t think I can-- I don’t--I don’t-- All right.”
He’s like, “All right, I’ll see you tomorrow.” And he takes off.

I look at Stephanie, I was like, “Can we go outside?”
I was like, “I can’t do this! I don’t know what he wants!

I can’t change the world .I’m not a documentarian .
Did you see the movies I make? I don’t make documentaries.

Documentaries are made by people who come up with the idea. . .
. . .and see it through , shoot it themselves and interview people. . .

. . .because it’s something personal to them .
He’s very personal and passionate about these issues. I’m not.

Chaka mad . I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do about that.”
She’s like, “Calm down ."And she’s like, “What can you do?”

I said , “If Prince wants a movie about. . .
. . .a couple guys hanging around a mall . . .

. . .like, I’m your guy, but I can’t make a documentary.”
She’s like, “But he really wants you to do it.”

And I was like, “I don’t understand .I’m not cut out for this kind of thing
.
Can you explain it to him? Just go in there and tell him .

I’ll go back to Los Angeles and tell him no harm , no foul .”
She’s like, “Kevin , let me explain something to you about Prince.

I’ve been working with Prince for many years and I can’t go tell him . . .
. . .that you can’t shoot this documentary.”

She’s like, “Prince doesn’t comprehend things the way you and I do.”
I was like, “What do you mean?” She was like, “Well . . .

. . .Prince has been living in Prince World for quite some time now.”
She’s like, “So Prince will come to us periodically and say things like:

‘It’s 3 in the morning in Minnesota. I really need a camel .
Go get it.’

And then we try to explain to Prince, like:
‘Prince, it’s 3:00 in the morning in Minnesota, it’s January. . .

. . .and you want a camel .
That is not physically or psychologically possible.’

And Prince says, ‘Why?“‘
I’m like, “Is he an asshole?”

She’s like, “He’s not malicious when he does it.
He just doesn’t understand why he can’t get what he wants.

He doesn’t understand why someone can’t process a request. . .
. . .like a camel at 3 in the morning in Minnesota.”

Less

Posted by JimK at 07:40 PM on April 26, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots
Tags: Paris Hilton Prince Kevin Smith

BaBa WaWa to tell Rosie to eat her?

Heh.

There is a strong buzz in Hollywood that Rosie O’Donnell will announce Wednesday (April 25th) that she is leaving “The View.”

If it happens, it’s likely Rosie will stick it out through the end of the season.

TMZ has spoken with multiple industry people who say the word is spreading and the info emanated from inside the show itself.

Rosie’s rep could not be reached for comment.

Gee.  If it’s true, I wonder why.

*UPDATE*

YAY!  It’s true!  Of course this will probably just mean that she can speak “even more freely” now, so get ready for that accusation that George Bush invented the pain behind the period and Cheney planned Hurricane Katrina to get the blacks and gays.

Posted by JimK at 01:34 AM on April 25, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots
Tags: Rosie O'Donnell The View

Well, she’s upper upper class high society…

...God’s gift to ballroom notoriety...And with a single hand gesture and an invitation to dine on her slizzizzle, Rosie loses the feud.

ROSIE O’Donnell’s blue humor made faces red when she emceed the Matrix Awards in front of 2,000 feting New York’s most accomplished women in media at the Waldorf-Astoria Grand Ballroom yesterday.

The loose-lipped lesbian dropped the F-bomb as Barbara Walters lowered her head on the dais and covered her face with her hand. O’Donnell concluded a rant about Donald Trump by grabbing her crotch and shouting, “Eat me!”

Classy!  Look, I don’t care what team you were on before this.  I could see arguments that being on Team Trump was wrong.  Obviously I could see the futility of being a member of Team Rosie.  What I am saying to you now is, imagine taking Rosie up on her invitation.  At the end of the night.  With the lights on.

See?  Team Trump automatically wins.  Of course it’s a little like coming first in a Miss Fecal Coliform Bacteria contest, but hey...a win’s a win, right?

Posted by JimK at 04:01 PM on April 24, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots
Tags: Donald Trump Rosie O'Donnell

Catching up on the week

Ready?  Steady?  Go!

More

Seung-Hui Cho, the Virgina Tech murderer: This is despicable and misguided, this is exactly what I want to hear from a conservative candidate, and yeah, I suppose it would be just horrible to have this guy in your family.

NASA shooter: Sad, but also a little pathetic.  Too bad he just didn’t walk in and make a big scene while only shooting himself.

Wolfowitz and the “scandal” surrounding his girlfriend: Much ado about nothing.  Wolfowitz has a past three miles long, among which there must be hundreds of things over which to attack him.  Trying to drum up a fake scandal is just...well, to use the word again, pathetic.

Speaking truth to “power”: Ed Koch called Al Sharpton out right to his face, and Sharpton said nothing, like the racist lying coward that he is.

Alec Baldwin screaming at his child via voicemail: Lame.  Bad parenting.  Not really surprising given Baldwin’s massive ego.  Was he pushed to it?  All I know is, his first statement after the “story” broke called his daughter “the child” but referrerd to “Alec,” “him” and “his.” I found that telling.  You know he dictated that to his publicist, his ego wouldn’t allow him to allow someone to re-phrase his brilliance.

TV: 24 is boring, The Shield is awesome, Heroes is coming back and Drive is gonna get canceled even though it’s cool.

Beautiful women (some NSFW): This is Diora Baird topless in FHM (the UK version, obviously the U.S. can’t handle this simply kind of nudity without getting weird), this seems to mean that Manson did in fact trade Dita for Evan Rachel Wood (he traded down, in my opinion), and finally one of my new faves, Aussie superbabe Emily Scott in Zoo Weekly.  They’re from January, but who cares?

Gaming: I made the move to a console.  My gamercard.  Would you like to be my friend?  We could toast marshmallows together.  Also, Need For Speed Carbon on the Xbox 360...nice.  I’m looking forward to trying Command & Conquer 3 on a console.

There.  That about does it.

Less

Posted by JimK at 07:07 PM on April 21, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Beautiful Women,  Entertainment,  Gaming,  Celebridiots,  Television,  24,  Heroes,  News,  Politics,  Technobabble (Technology)

Courtney Love never gets any smarter

Folks that frequented alt.music.nin in the old days will remember the rambling, misspelled and drug-influenced posts Miss Love used to make through intermediaries.  Time has not improved her mind or typing skills.  The screed below is in reference to the fact that she looks atrocious, has had tremendously bad plastic surgery on her face and now her stomach looks like she’s 83...and the rumor is she had gastric bypass and lost a lot of weight very quickly; hence the hanging, flappy skin.

oh perez got it from pge six nd ots bullshit
i couldnt get that suregry iof i begged for it
FDA says you have to have a BMI of above 40 and that equals at least being 100 pounds overweight at least other wsie its ILLEGAL.
I know spmeone who troed to get that shit and no dr would give it to her an dhse was pudgier than i was, its total utter shite, i lost weightthe hard way and people cant accept it,whwnever ANYONE loses weight by determintaion and grit fast its suspect i got muyinspirationf rom Oprah losing so much weight on Slim Fast,. thats how i did it, thio sis nonsesne my breath is great and i dont “vomit inot a towel” it sjust cynical crazy bullshit,
i started weight training three days go to get rid of the saggy ass and loose tummy i pln on hving perrrfect six pack by summer, and be extra strong so when i play shows ill be strong nd not weak,
Thizs is bullshit as is the tummy tuck rumour or the 200k in liopo rumpur ( you dont lose eoght all over from lipo) ( noone loses more than 15 lbs from lipo ever they “resculpt”) thi sisjust nnoying gross BULLSHIT. from people who cant lose wieght through ld fashioned discipline but dont think for second if it was legal i wouldnt think bout it sure i would but losing ll you rintesines doesnt appeal to me and im ton macro so i dont get cancer ( i kno wthe smnoking hs to go) banding s supposed to up your vchances for colon cancer as well as other terroble health problems,
again this is BULLSHIT. i worked my ss off and m always fucking hingry though ive gotten used to it, bno dr in the world would give me gastric bypass or gastric banding i dont meet the pproval of ny western country , it would be illegal and im[ossible fvor me to find dr to perform this surgery on me.
zso thats THAT.
Jealous Cynical people who anta cceopt that somneone cn lose alot of weight the old fshioned wy ive exercised mya ss off obv iously not enough in my stomach but xdone tons and tons aof cardio, so enough said on this nonsense jealous cynical lie.
good night.

Good Lord, what the frig?  I love her indignation that anyone would think that she might have the surgery, considering the multiple horrible things she’s had done to her face in the last few years.  Anyway, her new body is unfortunate looking.  Also, she’s still as stupid as ever.  Just thought I’d make that point.  Again.

Hey, remember when Courtney made the press for being a (sort-of) musician?

Yeah, me neither.

Posted by JimK at 09:53 PM on April 13, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots
Tags: Courtney Love celebrity idiots

Updated links to Kim Kardashian’s sex tape

Since the link from this post is broken...never let it be said that I don’t make every effort to get you your fix, gentlemen.  here are updated links to the 8 parts of the full Kim Kardashian sex tape.  Right click, save as, Windows Media only, average of around 25MB per part.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 |

Posted by JimK at 07:16 PM on March 27, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Beautiful Women,  Entertainment,  Celebridiots
Tags: Kim Kardashian celebrity sex tape

My new movie will be called “Black People Can’t Drive” starring Eddie Griffin and Woody Harrelson

See, it’s like, a joke based on “White Men Can’t Jump, so it’s not racist, and screw you for thinking it was, you jerk.  Seriously though, Undercover Brother cannot fucking drive.

Comedian Eddie Griffin crashed a $1.5 million Ferrari Enzo while practicing for a charity race to promote his new movie, Redline, on Monday.

Griffin, 38, was not injured when he ran into a concrete barrier at California’s Irwindale Speedway, but the car fared much worse: It was totaled.

“Undercover Brother’s good at karate and all the rest of that, but the brother can’t drive,” Griffin told the Associated Press after the accident, referring to his 2002 movie. (He has also starred in Norbit, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo and its sequel, and Date Movie.)

“He walked away completely unscratched, but probably a little shaken,” said the film’s publicist, Wendy Zocks.

Redline executive producer Daniel Sadek, who owned the rare Enzo, was also shaken by the accident.

“I’m glad Eddie came out of the crash okay, but my dream car got destroyed,” Sadek said. “I went to my trailer for about 15 minutes and I thought, ‘There’s people dying every day. A lot of worse things are happening in the world.’ “

Sadek has an exotic car collection, which is featured in the movie. Only 400 Ferrari Enzos were produced, all between 2002 and 2004.

This makes, if memory serves, the fourth Enzo that has been totalled since the line was produced.  ATTENTION YOU RICH ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAGS - STOP DRIVING ENZOS IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE DOING!  There are only 396 of these beautiful creatures left in existence, STOP FUCKING CRASHING THEM.

Fuck pandas and spotted owls and seal-slaughtering polar bears - who will speak up to save the Enzos?  Talk about an endangered species.  If you see a first-class douchebag driving an Enzo, it is your duty as a human being to take his keys, kick his douchebag ass and save that car.  I’ll cover your legal fees.*

Please save the Enzos.  This kind of beauty only comes around once every five or six years when a new supercar hits the market.

*I absolutely will not cover your legal fees in any way, if you steal an Enzo you are so fucking on your own.

Posted by JimK at 06:59 PM on March 27, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Entertainment,  Celebridiots,  Technobabble (Technology),  Things With Engines
Tags: Eddie Griffin Redline celebrity idiots Ferrari Enzo

Kim Kardashian sex tape

In case anyone cares, you can get the Kim Kardashian sex tape here.  It’s boring...as most home sex tapes are.  What feels good at home rarely looks good on camera.  Kim’s crazy hot though, so there’s that.  Enjoy.  NSFW, obviously.  :)

Let’s recap what we know about Armenians in the media - Cher.  Unless you’re a drag queen or deaf, nothing going on there.  The Armenian Mob on The Shield - they like to chop off feet and they run everything the black gangs don’t.  Kim Kardashian - celebrity for no reason, loves BBD, obviously in on her sex tape release.  Basically, a whore.

Sure, there’s two more - Andre Agassi, who is half-Armenian, and that really rich dude who owns all that Vegas real estate.  Don’t even tell me he’s not all Armenian-mobbed up.

Man...If I were Armenian, I’d be like “WTF?  Can we not do better than this?  What about my uncle Adroushan who runs a corner deli?  Why does no one ever do a news story on his lahmahjoon?  It’s the best in the city!” And it is.  Uncle Adroushan makes a killer lahmahjoon.  You can really taste the goat.

Posted by JimK at 05:22 PM on March 22, 2007
Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email to a friend

Categories: Beautiful Women,  Entertainment,  Celebridiots
Tags: kim kardashian