Wed, 13 Sep 2006 21:37:00
Rock Star: Supernova - Week 11 Elimination and Finale
Here we go...who will win Rock Star: We Stole This Name? Will it be the South African import, Dramilana? Or the Thunda from Down Unda, Toby? Maybe the Iceman cometh, and Magni will take it. Or will it be everyone favorite guarder of pots of gold, Lukas, who is after me lucky charms! (get it? He’s SHORT.)
Time to find out…
- The show opens with baby factory Brooke Burke informing us that Supernova will be taking the stage with their brand new lead singer before the night is out. Wow...they got the Orange County punk band to play tonight? Nice job. *cough*
- Sorry Brooke, I ain’t “hell-yay’in’ for Gilby Clarke, Tommy Lee OR Jason “gloves, gloves gloves” Newsted.
- I live for these 3,236,274 hour recaps. Best. TV. Ever.
- Dave says it was a hell of a summer, and that he learned something about working together and not letting the rich yacht club guys push hm around. or that was a Savage Steve Holland movie, I’m not sure.
- Brooke says the voting broke records. Umm...what records? Rock Star records? We have no idea what that means in terms of volume because Mark Burnett is a pussy and won’t tell us numbers. WHy? He’s afraid of American Idol making his voting numbers look like Paris Hilton’s IQ score when compared to Einstein. (Yay! One last Paris Hilton joke!)
- Wow, the Dilana fans really stuffed that ballot box. Or...they didn’t and the show is manipulating a Lukas/Dilana showdown. Gee...whattya think my money is on?
- First Rocker up for the Tommyhawk is Magni. No surprise.
- Magni is doing Fire again?
OK, this is much better than the first time he did it. More fun, more playful. Way, way better than it was the first time, I actually wholeheartedly like this.
Magni is NOT being bland. Could someone call hell and see if they need blankets? Nice job, Iceman. Tits McBaby agreed with me in those exact words.
- Toby is up next. Damn, they are just trucking this along… He’s doing White Wedding. OK, he does this well.
He’s a born stadium rocker. He totally engages the crowd every time. Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama could do a lot worse. Good rendition.
Commercial time, while the band pretends to decide that they’ve already decided to send Magni home.
- Gilby prattles on about growing, something about the summer, then criticizes Magni for not fronting the band but instead blending in like...umm...a, uhh...an...umm...(insert name of native Icelandic animal here) on the icy fjords. Then he tells Magni that it’s time to get exactly what Magni wants, to go home to see his family for awhile, get paid for a short Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama tour, then continue his pretty decent career with a newly energized homeland fanbase and a lot of new American fans as well.
Yeah...I’m sure Magni’s real broken up about this. That shit-eating grin really looks like the Iceman is melting, right?
Dave kisses Magni’s ass, then Magni thanks the fans and the House Band, then thanks Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama, then the Rockers. He went on to tearily cry ‘You like me, you really like me!” then he pulled up his skirt, grabbed his Oscar and ran off the stage. What? That’s exactly how it happened.
Gloves McPowerbassist said Mags will become King of Iceland. And when he does, Jason’s life will be spared.
- Now we get a Lukas recap. Then Satan’s tiny little stepson gets Lukas to say that Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama are really nice guys.
- Hey, look, it’s Bitch McFakesalot’s recap. Can’t wait to hear what she has to say. Navarro called her strong. Yeah, NO. She’s the opposite of strong. She says that the band needs someone who is 1000% dedicated to music.
Dilana? Honey? That isn’t you. You *want* to be that person, but you aren’t talented enough. You aren’t intelligent enough and you don’t do your homework. You don’t know where the music comes from, so you can’t really shape where it’s going. Not that Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama will be shaping a goddamned thing...I speak as though you were competing to front some other band that was actually doing something interesting.
- Toby’s recap. What, no clips of tequila shooters and cakefacing? I feel cheated. Toby tells the band he needs to be drunk and he’ll get crazier, also he’s taller, so hire him. Sure. I can see how height would be a requirement to stay out of the way of TLee’s third drumstick ifyaknowwhatImean.
- Tommy says we need to hear three more performances and we go to commercial. Then Verizon Wireless came to my house and shoved a Chocolate phone in my ass and called me thier little bitch. I was assaulted and degraded by Verizon Wireless. The whole time, though, we were jamming to some great vCast music!
- More songs we’ve already heard. Brooke says that they’re the Rocker’s favorite songs of the summer.
- Lukas is first with Bittersweet Symphony. But...umm...Brooke? Honeybaby? Lukas told us all that he didn’t even like this song, you just never aired it. EVS, I guess it’s his “favorite” now. I hate it when TV shows treat me like I’m as dumb as the airheads that host them.
The vocal is almost 2000% better than it was the first time he did it.
Call 9-1-1! Lukas is having a seizure! That’s not dancing, I don’t care what anyone says. :)
Excellent job, Lukas. You’re really trying to win this thing? Hey, if you want it, good for you, brother.
- Dramilana is doing Zombie. At least she’s going out strong.
Wow that leg is like a miracle recovery! Someone should alert the Pope, Jesus must have had a hand in that rapid recovery from a torn calf muscle. Can you say “sympathy vote?”
She’s knocking the vocal out of the park, but that was to be expected. She’s been singing this song for years.
- Toby rides the Rand Wagon one more time with Somebody Told Me again.
Err...I don’t want to be a snarky bitch here (shut UP, don’t even say it) but...this...is kind of ass. Why wouldn’t he pull out one of the songs that he rocked the room with? His vocal is not great. It sounds exactly like the first time he did it and I wasn’t impressed then. I don’t think the song fits his voice at all.
- Brooke says give it up for the House Band. They really are insanely good. We go to commercial, and I’ve reinforced the door so Verizon Wireless can’t get in and ass-rape me again.
- We’re back, and the band is pretending that they didn’t decide to hire Lukas two weeks ago. Jason uses the power of his gloves to illustrate his knowledge of geography. He tells Toby that he can yell over guitars, and that he’s the Emeril Lagasse of rock what with the notch-kicking-up-ness, but then just as they’re about to make out, he kicks Toby in the balls, stomps on his face with a boot and calls him a right bloody little arsehole and to get the fuck off his stage.
So the big setup is Lukas versus Dilana. What. A. Surprise.
Navarro says he’s great and his song is a hit, then Toby classes up the place by complimenting the hell out of Lukas and Dilana. he thanks the band, then rides out on a wave of 18-year old virgins who won’t be after tonight.
- Dave says it’s down to the edgy ones. Then basically gives away the secret that the producers set this up. Then he scared the crap out of Lukas by saying with the two of them standing there, it looks like Brooke is performing a goth wedding. Holy shit, married to that sea hag? I’d rather be married to that fat guy from Family Fued who liekd young boys.
- Gilby says it’s a tough one, and his hair has held up all summer, but he feels like it might be wilting a bit, so can we take a commercial and get the girl in here to touch him up? Then we break. I’ve built a moat filled with burning oil around my house, so no fucking way is Honda, Verizon or any other Rock Star sponsor getting in here.
- We’re back, an Lukas licks his own nose in a close-up. He’s so fucking rock.
- Tommy Lee says he’d like to sex Lukas up (or he might have said that his look and the way he moves is awesome). He asked us all ‘Who doesn’t love Dilana?” Umm...me?
- Lukas is the winner. If you slow down your TiVo, you can pinpoint the moment whern Dilana’s sanity snapped.
- Shit on me...Gilby said he’d offer his services to WRITE and produce a record with Dilana? WRITE? Gilby Clarke? The man who wrote about tarantulas in bed or whatever the fuck that was? And PRODUCE? The guy with the tin frigging ear on this show? Dilana...honey, we don’t get along anymore, but baby girl, take Radiohead’s advice and run, run, run, ruuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuuhhh-uuhhh-un. Gilby don’t belong here. Unless you need hair care tips.
- Navarro whores himself to another guest spot on someone’s album. ;) I kid. He’s the good kind of whore.
- So it’s the Rossi Possi for the win. Great, now I can start ignoring Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama and wait for them to break up and for Lukas to do something great after.
You know, the worst part of Lukas winning? That dumb cunt Janet Charlton will claim her “inside scoop” was legit and this is proof. I kind of want her to die in a fire.
So Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama is gonna play. And my balls itch. Which do you think is more important to me rigt now?
Oh my FUCKING GOD this band can’t write for shit. Be Yourself is asstastic. If the song had an odor, it would be vomit. I cannot wait to start ignoring the Tommy Lee Project. Fuck this.
I could be listening to Storm Large right now. And so could you.
They closed with Lukas singing Magni’s song? Umm...OK. EVS, baby...EVS.
So like, that’s that. No more Rock Star until next summer. I’ll miss you all! If you’re interested in reading me rip into some other reality show, I’m planning on doing recaps of Survivor: Racist Island - - or whatever it’ll be called - here in my Survivor category, so bookmark it! I can’t wait to see if the white tribe tries to sell the black tribe to the Hispanic tribe. Seriously, is Burnett the best reality producer on earth or what?
Posted by JimK at 09:37 PM on September 13, 2006
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Categories: Entertainment, Television, 24, Rock_Star_Supernova
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Technorati: Rock Star Supernova dilana storm large lukas magni ryan star
Comments:
#2 Posted by JimK 
on 09/14 at 12:29 AM -
whoops...I forgot to insert the actual name of the file to which I was linking. :)
Thansk for the heads up…
#3 Posted by Joe R. on 09/14 at 12:59 AM -
I gotta disagree a little; I think “Somebody Told Me” is actually a perfect song for Toby. In fact, he could complete his whole performance package by singing “Somebody told me, o o o o o o”.
I’m going to try out next year, just to show how ass this all is.
#4 Posted by GripeBoy on 09/14 at 03:34 AM -
I gotta disagree a little; I think “Somebody Told Me” is actually a perfect song for Toby.
I was going to say the same thing. Well, actually I was going to say that Jim doesn’t know shit about music but that would have been arrogant of me.
Oh well. Toby would have fit better with what they’re trying to do. Lucas may inject a bit of originality into the thing even though I still think he can’t sing for shit. Another footnote in rock history.
#5 Posted by Sean Galbraith 
on 09/14 at 07:55 AM -
Back to back Canucks? That’s it… I’m trying oot next time.
#6 Posted by jo-jo on 09/14 at 11:01 AM -
I gotta disagree a little; I think “Somebody Told Me” is actually a perfect song for Toby.
iawtc
(is that not just the “me too” of the 2000s??)
john and i picked lukas ftw at the beginning, we strayed a little in the middle, but we knew going into it tonight he was the winner.
i still can’t figure out why i bougth tickets to this thing, other than my friend pressuring me ;) at least we only spent $40/ticket. pretty crappy seats for a very crappy band (but again, i do i want to hear panic channel!)
as for the rest of the contestants, are they all joining the house band? or just a select few? because, for example, if i want to hear jill, i’ll just put on my wedding video (OHHH SNAP!) ;)
we found ONE pic of her at the wedding, and it’s really not a GREAT shot. and then my scanner broke, but i have since revived it. i do need to post that eventually....
#7 Posted by up4debate on 09/14 at 12:07 PM -
Great, now I can start ignoring Supernova El Cocko Gigundo and the Old Guy Bore-o-Rama and wait for them to break up and for Lukas to do something great after.
What he said. I was really hoping with Jason in this band, there would be some quality. But I am seeing no signs of that. Lucas deserved to win, but is too good for the type of music it looks like this band wants to do.
Awesome another canuck from my area won. If next year its Rockstar:Van Halen, Im in!
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#1 Posted by Drumwaster
on 09/14 at 12:18 AM -
Jim, baby. Bubchik. Your music library link gives a ‘403 Forbidden’ error.