Wed, 16 May 2007 22:04:00
American Idol - Top 3 elimination
They canceled Jericho and I’m watching this crap! NEVER AGAIN YOU SONSABITCHES! NEVER AGAIN! WE WILL NOT FORGET! 5/16! 5/16! 5/16!
Sorry. I went a little 9/11 on your asses there for a minute. I’m OK now. Fuckers canceled Jeri///no...no, restrain yourself Jim, that’s not even this network. Think calm thoughts. Puppies. Kittens. Big boobs.
OK, I feel better now. On with the show.
- The Homer-as-Seacrest bit sucked. Sadly, Seacrest was funnier mocking his own delivery of the ”This...is Ah-merican Idol” line.
- Recap! FFWD. Commercials! FFWD.
- Idols Live crap - FFWD! Jordin at home - doublespeed - just in case anything interesting might possibly - through a fluke of editing or an accident of nature - happen.
It doesn’t.
- We’re doing something. Seacrest is recapping her performances and the lights are in elimination mode, but of course we’re not going to find out. It’s a play to fill time. FFWD.
- Blake time. I’ll watch him with Mix-A-Lot. Donna wants to watch the whole thing...dammit! He climbs the Space Needle. I fucking care. He flies in a puddle-jumper to get “home” wherever that is. Dad cries. So do ALL THE GIRLS THAT GET NEAR BLAKE. They’re acting like he’s Paul and John in 1964. He sings at a ballgame. I fuckin’ care. Pop is on stage when we come back and he won’t leave. What’s the point of this next “elimination” moment? Seacrest isn’t going to tell us the results yet. Cock.
- Elliot Yamin is back. I hated this guy last year. I still hate him. I don’t think anyone is gonna buy Skippy from Family Ties as the new white Usher. We already have a Timberlake, people! Stop trying to fill that role.
- Chatting with him afterward - FUCK he talks a lot. Shut. Up. And. Go. Away.
- DAMN DAMN DAMN Donna almost fast forwarded past the Ford commercial. FUCK ME WITH A SHARP STICK. This week it’s a butchery of Billy Squier’s Everybody Wants You. Sorry, everybody wants to not see this shit. Except Donna.
- Melinda’s homecoming. What the hell? It’s not animated at all? How does she not live in Shrekland? I’m so confused. Her fans, by the way, are MUCH older than Blake and Jordin’s...Kiss of death, baby girl...you’se outta heyah!
- Recapping her performance and results are still not forthcoming.
- Maroon 5. Holy fucking whorecocking shitballs. This is...it’s...it’s bloody fucking terrible. It reminds me of an 80s movie where Anthony Michael Hall might be playing the dorkfuckular lead singer of a horrible band that gets to play prom, and the superjock asshole that is tapping the ass of the finest girl in school (played of course by Phoebe Cates) kicks him square in the balls right before he goes on stage, so his voice sounds like a combination of a 12-year old who hasn’t dropped his balls and a squirrel high on helium.
In short, I did not enjoy that. Maroon 5 sucks like Lindsay Lohan on a Friday in the parking lot behind Hyde.
- Results...fucking finally. Almost 60 million votes. Jordin is safe. What. A. Shock. Melinda steps forward. She goes home. Blake versus Jordin for the finale. Gee. Where did I read that? ;) She’ll do great, don’t worry about her. Tivo bongs us out before they even get done talking about her.
- Hey, you wanna know something worth reading tonight? Go get some fresh, ripe blackberries. Crush them into a pulp. Pour the pulp over a bowl of Haagen Dazs raspberry sorbet. It’s like God jizzed a little in your mouth. See? It was worth reading all that shit for that special dessert tip. :)
Posted by JimK at 10:04 PM on May 16, 2007
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Categories: Television, American Idol
Tags:
Technorati: TV Music American Idol Paula Abdul Randy Jackson Simon Cowell Blake Lewis Jordin Sparks Melinda Doolittle
Comments:
#2 Posted by working_man 
on 05/18 at 09:17 AM -
Melinda will not outsell every Idol ever. Her appeal is, like it or not, limited. She is the best vocalist, not the best “Idol”
#3 Posted by mgnmfrc1 on 05/18 at 12:55 PM -
She is the best vocalist, not the best “Idol”
So she will sell cd’s and get played on the radio. Maybe not pop but we’ll hear her. Kelly Clarkson is the only Idol that has had any staying power. Clay outsold them all and I don’t count him as an “idol”. What happen to Ruben? The illiterate chick? What’s his face with the grey hair? I guess Carrie is doing pretty well in the country world. The “idol” gets manufactured and propped up for the first year until auditions start for the next season so if they don’t have any vocal talent they disappear, except for Idol appearances in shopping malls.
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60 million votes and Melinda is going home? The best singer on AI ever is going home? Best singer, ever. EVER!
So either;
1) America voted and they are fucking brain dead, tone deaf stupid assholes.
2)Vote for the worst won.
3) AI is a complete sham, fraud, pile of shit, load of crap bunch of bullshit.
Melinda will outsell every Idol ever and won’t have to fuck with the AI contract.
Wow, no wonder Paula is loaded all the time, who can blame her.